No one walks into a marriage thinking that it will end. Spouses talk about their futures together, growing old together, where they may want to retire, places they want to visit someday, their hopes and dreams and goals for themselves and for each other. When the marriage ends, there is generally a feeling of failure that goes along with it. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and we all know that we have to work at it to keep it together. If it ends, does that mean we didnt work hard enough? Didnt try hard enough? Didnt do enough to keep our spouse happy? What went wrong? Why couldnt I make it work? Why couldnt I fix the problems? These feelings are so common, especially among all of the overachievers out there who believe they can accomplish anything and fix anything if they just try hard enough. Recognize that life is not fair and accept that reality. However, also recognize that sometimes it is not fair in your favor. Imbalance sometimes tips toward you and sometimes away from you. Dont dwell on the times when it feels like the world is against you; instead celebrate the times when everything seems to be going your way. Take responsibility for your own happiness. If anyone intrudes on your happiness, recognize that it is your own fault for allowing it to happen. No one can make you feel any particular wayyou control your own feelings and reactions. You choose how you will handle any particular situation. You can wallow in self-pity and wither away, or you can learn from a negative experience, grow from it, and become a better, stronger, and happier person. Accept responsibility for your own future; it is all on you now, and if you dont take responsibility for it, no one else will.

Buddhism has been applied to everything from parenting to golf, but until now no one has offered Buddhist principles as a healing path through divorce. In Storms Can't Hurt the Sky, Gabriel Cohen bravely delves into his personal experience-along with insights from Buddhist masters, parables, humor, social science studies, and interviews with other divorces-to provide a practical and very helpful guide to surviving the pain of any break-up. Focusing on the emotions most common in the dissolution of a relationship-anger, resentment, loss, and grief -- Storms Can't Hurt the Sky shows how thinking about these feelings in surprisingly different ways can lead to a radically better experience. This compulsively readable book offers sound advice and much-needed empathy for anyone dealing with a break-up.

A unique book, which addresses a calamity many men face, was written by the Northwest Author, Michael Louis Eads: A Man's Feelings, Finding Closure After Divorce. Divorce, a word synonymous with failure, disappointment and heartache; any man who loved his wife and went through divorce feels the stigma and loss. The courts use these words: dissolution, irretrievable and broken. These heartless terms create turmoil to a man going through divorce. They don't even account for or describe the agony a man endures during this crisis.This is a personal account of how Michael went through these hard times, and how he came out the other end with a positive attitude, and a vigorous new life. Going through this crisis, he found his own identity and self-esteem in question. His whole life was a question mark from the day his wife first said the word, Divorce, but with a step-by-step process, and help from friends and counseling, he got through it. "I believe with the raw personal expertise of an everyday man, Michael's story is unique and uplifting. His advice is straightforward and insightful, offering hope and encouragement on the long road to find a new life for any man struggling for happiness after losing the love of his life," said his friend Bob Olson, who has known Michael since his teens. In Michael's research of divorce books, he had found that almost all deal with the legal ramifications of divorce. Few deal with the stigma, heartache and emotional turmoil that a man must face during separation and divorce. "I feel my book exposes the most basic need in all men after divorce, that is, the overwhelming desire to find some semblance of happiness, well-being, and ultimately, closure. It is my hope that after reading this book, you will realize its value and potential." --The Publisher In his book, A Man s Feelings: Finding Closure After Divorce, Michael Eads takes us on a personal journey following his own divorce. By relating his experience of coming to terms with the end of his marriage, and the stages of grief and loss that accompanied that, we also join him on his road to acceptance, letting go, and finally finding hope, happiness, and well-being in the aftermath of his divorce. All the while that Michael is telling his own tale, he is providing a road map for men (and women) who are in the midst of the confusion, hurt and pain, and emotional floundering that can come with the experience of confronting the end of a marriage while attempting to put life back in order. Michael is open and sharing about his vulnerabilities and growth, so that one can almost feel that he is sitting with you, a good friend, there to share his experience, to help you find some sense of direction in unknown and uncharted territory. I highly recommend this book to anyone embarking on their own such journey. --Susan Sterling, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist

"From weeknight dinners and homework sessions with their son to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life eventsƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚€ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their new amazing spouses and children. Ben and Nikki had hoped their wedding would start their happily ever afterƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚€ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"but seven years, one child, and countless financial and familial entanglements later, their I do-s had turned into We can't-s. Armed with their fierce love for their son and a desire to give him the best, they realized they needed to find an alternative to the seemingly inevitable toxic divorce that loomed over their lives.

A step-by-step approach to making your marriage loving again.

Seventy now-adult children of divorce give their candid and often heart-wrenching answers to eight questions (arranged in eight chapters, by question), including: What were the main effects of your parents' divorce on your life? What do you say to those who claim that "children are resilient" and "children are happy when their parents are happy"? What would you like to tell your parents then and now? What do you want adults in our culture to know about divorce? What role has your faith played in your healing? Their simple and poignant responses are difficult to read and yet not without hope. Most of the contributors--women and men, young and old, single and married--have never spoken of the pain and consequences of their parents' divorce until now. They have often never been asked, and they believe that no one really wants to know. Despite vastly different circumstances and details, the similarities in their testimonies are striking; as the reader will discover, the death of a child's family impacts the human heart in universal ways.

The "Who Am I Now That I Am Alone?" program began after my divorce. I gathered others who had experienced divorce into a group to explore our situation and how we could move forward with our lives. This group became one of the first in the country to help people going through divorce, remember in the 70's there still was not a great deal of acceptance of divorce in the culture. Hundreds of people have experienced the program that was developed after the first group and have found it very helpful. Over the years people have asked to read the book, but it was a group process guide and not a narrative. This book translates most of the program's material, which was designed for group interaction, into a format that will allow those who have experienced loss through divorce or death to benefit from the program on their own. Chapters 1-3 concern communication, including communicating and understanding feelings. We can only develop meaningful relationships through effective communication. These chapters also work on improving both interpersonal communication skills and your internal (self-talk) communication. Chapters 4-6 focus on understanding the importance of personal relationships in our lives, guiding readers to move out and expand and deepen supportive relationships. These are important skills for enriching the quality of anyone's life. Finally, Chapters 7-8 are designed to help readers develop a more positive personal identity. Many people come out of a divorce or the loss of a relationship feeling like a failure and somewhat worthless. These chapters reintroduce readers to their authentic selves. Your authentic self has so many good qualities which, when recognized and affirmed, will offset the feelings of guilt and failure. This change in perspective will bring the motivation to leave the past behind and build a new and exciting life. CONTENTS Introduction Chapter 1 Some Understandings about Divorce Chapter 2 How to Effectively Communicate Your Feelings Chapter 3 Understanding Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Communications Chapter 4 The Continuing Question: Who Am I Now That I Am Alone? Chapter 5 Expanding Friendships for Balance in Life Chapter 6 The Need for Community Chapter 7 Getting in Touch with Your Successes Chapter 8 Taking the New You into the World About the Author - James Ramsey's career has been divided into three very interesting segments. The first part of his career he served as a United Methodist Minister in Southern California, where he served three churches. The second part as a corporate trainer working for organizations like Northrop Aircraft, Fluor Corporation and the Orange County Transit District, and the last segment as a human resources director where he completed his full time work at Family Solutions an organization that worked with at risk children. Jim has also taught speech communications at several community colleges. Currently he is an independent human resource consultant for a nonprofit and also works part time in a local library. He has a Bachelor's degree in Social Science and Master of Divinity degree. During the 1970's while going through a divorce he gathered a group of people who were also going through divorce for weekly sessions and these sessions later were refined and became his divorce recovery program "Who Am I Now That I Am Alone?" This program has been delivered to hundreds of people over the years. Jim, with the assistance of other professionals, also conducted training programs to develop more leaders to deliver the program. Keywords: Divorce Recovery, Self Help, Divorce, Widowed, Divorce Program