I’m the last person a secret government agency wants to call for help. I spend my days selling New Age trinkets to humans and my nights drinking with a street-hustling alchemist. Not exactly the law and order type. But when monsters from our childhood nightmares become flesh and blood, snatching people from the streets, I’m one of the few wizards alive who can uncover who’s behind it. My past threatens to catch up with me, and I’m not sure I can outrun it. After losing my family in a fire and being whisked away by my caretaker to train at the Akashic Academy, my life was further turned upside down when I emerged from my final test to find three dead master wizards. Despite being cleared of all charges, most in my community believe I killed them. They call me the Wayward Wizard. I may be a black sheep among magic-users, but I deliver results. Which is why this secret agency has dragged me out of bed, slapped the bottle of whiskey out of my hand, and placed me with Alanna Reid. She’s their best (and most uptight) agent who’s been ordered to keep an eye on me and make sure I get the job done—or, put a bullet in me. But as good as Alanna is, even she may not be prepared for what’s coming. And if I can’t shut down the mysterious wizard wielding stolen powers, then I have a demigod looking over my shoulder, salivating at the thought of bringing on the Apocalypse as punishment. It’s like the teacher penalizing the entire class for one asshat’s actions, but on a cosmic level. Since I like living, the choice is clear. But something tells me that in unraveling the truth, I’ll also have to face my own monsters, which can be just as deadly.

When a mysterious stranger interrupts Sindri's training by the wizard Maddoc of Cairngorn Keep, Sindri finds himself chased by monsters and receiving cryptic messages that could lead to his destiny or doom.

"When her mother incurs the wrath of the magical world after writing a dissertation exposing its reality, Tessa must learn to master her new powers as a sorceress to save her mother--and herself--from a very determined assassin."--

This compilation of quotes and quips encompasses just a few years, and was only considered when I looked in my folder one day and saw just how many I had written. Someone suggested to me that I try to get them published in this form, stressing that it might make a good Christmas stocking, birthday, coffee table sort of book-nothing more pretentious than that. I agreed with them, and so here it is. I hope you enjoy these quotes and quips and get a chuckle out of them. Some are more thought provoking than others, but none should result in countless hours of philosophical wrestling or endless questioning of the ethical content. They just represent those few short moments when I put pen to paper, and tried to express my ideas as expeditiously as possible, while attempting to configure them in a context that has that touch of humor in it. It's something that a lot of us do, whether it be in written words, in art form, or just in casual speech at the dining room table. Life is life. People are people. And some of all of that is funny. In my case, I find a lot of it funny. I find it prudent to laugh at myself before anybody else does. Besides, that way, they can laugh with me, and not at me. So, please enjoy, and I do hope that some of these efforts give you a smile from time to time.

A young woman must work with a magician who is not what he seems to find her father in this new contemporary portal fantasy series. With her father vanished under suspicious circumstances and her old life destroyed, Tessa Andrews is determined to pick up the pieces and forge ahead. If only their borrowed house didn't shake and rumble as if haunted. But at least she and her mom have a roof over their heads, so her luck couldn't be all bad, could it? As if to prove her wrong, Tessa gets an urgent call for help one night from crusty old Professor Brandard, one of the people on her charity meals route. She dashes over, only to find the house in flames and the professor gone. A handsome young man steps out of the ashes to request her assistance, claiming to be the professor and a Phoenix wizard. She not only has to believe in him, but in magic, for an ancient evil is awakening and it will take the two of them, plus a few shady friends, to stand against it. Because the rejuvenation ritual has gone horribly wrong. The late, great wizard desperately needs to get his mojo back, for only if Brandard regains all his magic do they stand any chance of defeating this deadliest of perils.

THE HOTLY ANTICIPATED SEQUEL TO THE NO. 1 BESTSELLER CARRY ON Simon Snow is back and he's coming to America! The story is supposed to be over. Simon Snow did everything he was supposed to do. He beat the villain. He won the war. He even fell in love. Now comes the good part, right? Now comes the happily ever after... So why can’t Simon Snow get off the couch? What he needs, according to his best friend, is a change of scenery. He just needs to see himself in a new light. That’s how Simon and Penny and Baz end up in a vintage convertible, tearing across the American West. They find trouble, of course. (Dragons, vampires, skunk-headed things with shotguns.) And they get lost. They get so lost, they start to wonder whether they ever knew where they were headed in the first place. With Wayward Son, Rainbow Rowell has written a book for everyone who ever wondered what happened to the Chosen One after he saved the day. And a book for everyone who was ever more curious about the second kiss than the first. It’s another helping of sour cherry scones with an absolutely decadent amount of butter. Come on, Simon Snow. Your hero’s journey might be over – but your life has just begun.

Over four hundred years ago, Terrus the Liberator ended the Mage Wars by banishing the mage lords to the island of Lantana. The world was at peace, but that era of peace has ended. Alfor and his rogue mages have seized control of the Northlands of Amica and are bringing about the return of the mage lords. As the world rushes to war, the Amican Alliance is faced with an ever-widening front in the north while Alfor tries to bring the mages of Lantana into the war as his allies. If all of the mages unite against Amica, the world is certainly doomed, but there is a single ray of hope standing in the way of that destruction. The Avenging Shadow wields the Sword of Articus, and he plans to take on Alfor and the mages, even if he must do so alone.