“Instead of trusting kids with choices . . . many parents insist on micromanaging everything from homework to friendships. For these parents, Stixrud and Johnson have a simple message: Stop.” —NPR “This humane, thoughtful book turns the latest brain science into valuable practical advice for parents.” —Paul Tough, New York Times bestselling author of How Children Succeed A few years ago, Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson started noticing the same problem from different angles: Even high-performing kids were coming to them acutely stressed and lacking motivation. Many complained they had no control over their lives. Some stumbled in high school or hit college and unraveled. Bill is a clinical neuropsychologist who helps kids gripped by anxiety or struggling to learn. Ned is a motivational coach who runs an elite tutoring service. Together they discovered that the best antidote to stress is to give kids more of a sense of control over their lives. But this doesn't mean giving up your authority as a parent. In this groundbreaking book they reveal how you can actively help your child to sculpt a brain that is resilient, and ready to take on new challenges. The Self-Driven Child offers a combination of cutting-edge brain science, the latest discoveries in behavioral therapy, and case studies drawn from the thousands of kids and teens Bill and Ned have helped over the years to teach you how to set your child on the real road to success. As parents, we can only drive our kids so far. At some point, they will have to take the wheel and map out their own path. But there is a lot you can do before then to help them tackle the road ahead with resilience and imagination.

Winner of the 2015 USA Book News International Book Award for Parenting and Family In this inspiring book, Dr. Shimi Kang, a Harvard-trained child and adult psychiatrist and an expert in human motivation, provides a guide to the art and science of encouraging children to develop their own internal drive and a lifelong love of learning. Drawing on the latest neuroscience and behavioral research, Dr. Kang shows why pushy, hovering "tiger parents" and permissive "jellyfish parents" actually hinder self-motivation. She proposes a powerful new parenting model: the intelligent, joyful, highly social dolphin. Dolphin parents focus on maintaining balance in their children's lives to compassionately yet authoritatively guide them toward lasting health, happiness, and success. The mother of three children and the daughter of immigrant parents who struggled to give their children the "best" in life—Dr. Kang's mother could not read, her father taught her math while they drove around in his taxicab, and she was never enrolled in a single extracurricular activity—Dr. Kang argues that often the simplest "benefits" parents give their children are the most valuable. Combining irrefutable science with unforgettable real-life stories, The Self-Motivated Kid walks readers through Dr. Kang's four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. She argues that by trusting our deepest intuition about what is best for our kids, we will allow them to develop key traits—adaptability, community-mindedness, creativity, and critical thinking—to empower them to succeed and thrive in our increasingly competitive and complex world.

In this inspiring book, Harvard-trained child and adult psychiatrist and expert in human motivation Dr. Shimi Kang provides a guide to the art and science of inspiring children to develop their own internal drive and a lifelong love of learning. Drawing on the latest neuroscience and behavioral research, Dr. Kang shows why pushy “tiger parents” and permissive “jellyfish parents” actually hinder self-motivation. She proposes a powerful new parenting model: the intelligent, joyful, playful, highly social dolphin. Dolphin parents focus on maintaining balance in their children’s lives to gently yet authoritatively guide them toward lasting health, happiness, and success. As the medical director for Child and Youth Mental Health community programs in Vancouver, British Columbia, Dr. Kang has witnessed firsthand the consequences of parental pressure: anxiety disorders, high stress levels, suicides, and addictions. As the mother of three children and as the daughter of immigrant parents who struggled to give their children the “best” in life—Dr. Kang’s mother could not read and her father taught her math while they drove around in his taxicab—Dr. Kang argues that often the simplest “benefits” we give our children are the most valuable. By trusting our deepest intuitions about what is best for our kids, we will in turn allow them to develop key dolphin traits to enable them to thrive in an increasingly complex world: adaptability, community-mindedness, creativity, and critical thinking. Life is a journey through ever-changing waters, and dolphin parents know that the most valuable help we can give our children is to assist them in developing their own inner compass. Combining irrefutable science with unforgettable real-life stories, The Dolphin Way walks readers through Dr. Kang’s four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. The book makes a powerful case that we are not forced to choose between being permissive or controlling. The third option—the option that will prepare our kids for success in a future that will require adaptability—is the dolphin way.

A guide to effectively communicating with teenagers by the bestselling authors of The Self-Driven Child If you're a parent, you've had a moment--maybe many of them--when you've thought, "How did that conversation go so badly?" At some point after the sixth grade, the same kid who asked "why" non-stop at age four suddenly stops talking to you. And the conversations that you wish you could have--ones fueled by your desire to see your kid not just safe and healthy, but passionately engaged--suddenly feel nearly impossible to execute. The good news is that effective communication can be cultivated, learned, and taught. And as you get better at this, so will your kids. William Stixrud, Ph.D., and Ned Johnson have 60 years combined experience talking to kids one-on-one, and the most common question they get when out speaking to parents and educators is: What do you say? While many adults understand the importance and power of the philosophies behind the books that dominate the parenting bestseller list, parents are often left wondering how to put those concepts into action. In What Do You Say?, Johnson and Stixrud show how to engage in respectful and effective dialogue, beginning with defining and demonstrating the basic principles of listening and speaking. Then they show new ways to handle specific, thorny topics of the sort that usually end in parent/kid standoffs: delivering constructive feedback to kids; discussing boundaries around technology; explaining sleep and their brains; the anxiety of current events; and family problem-solving. What Do You Say? is a manual and map that will immediately transform parents' ability to navigate complex terrain and train their minds and hearts to communicate ever more successfully.

A Harvard-trained psychiatrist and mom of 3 gives parents and educators the tech habits children need to achieve their full potential--and a 6-step plan to put them into action. You may have picked up on some warning signs: The more your 9-year-old son plays video games, the more distracted and irritable he becomes. Or maybe comparing her life to others on social media is leaving your teenaged daughter feeling down. Then there are the questions that are always looming: Should I limit screen time? Should I give my 11-year-old an iPhone? The Tech Solution is a to-the-point resource for parents and educators who want the best approach for raising kids in our digital world. It outlines all you need to know about the short-term and potential long-term consequences of tech use. Dr. Kang simplifies cutting edge neuroscience to reveal a new understanding around how we metabolize experiences with technology that will lay the foundation for lasting success. On top of that, she offers practical advice for tackling specific concerns in the classroom or at home, whether it's possible tech addiction, anxiety, cyberbullying, or loneliness. With her 6-week 6-step plan for rebalancing your family's tech diet, Dr. Kang will help your child build healthy habits and make smart choices that will maximize the benefits of tech and minimize its risks. Use The Tech Solution to help your child avoid the pitfalls of today's digital world and to offer them guidance that will boost their brains and bodies, create meaningful connections, explore creative pursuits, and foster a sense of contribution and empowerment for many years to come.

Winner of the 2015 USA Book News International Book Award for Parenting and Family In this inspiring book, Dr. Shimi Kang, a Harvard-trained child and adult psychiatrist and an expert in human motivation, provides a guide to the art and science of encouraging children to develop their own internal drive and a lifelong love of learning. Drawing on the latest neuroscience and behavioral research, Dr. Kang shows why pushy, hovering "tiger parents" and permissive "jellyfish parents" actually hinder self-motivation. She proposes a powerful new parenting model: the intelligent, joyful, highly social dolphin. Dolphin parents focus on maintaining balance in their children's lives to compassionately yet authoritatively guide them toward lasting health, happiness, and success. The mother of three children and the daughter of immigrant parents who struggled to give their children the "best" in life—Dr. Kang's mother could not read, her father taught her math while they drove around in his taxicab, and she was never enrolled in a single extracurricular activity—Dr. Kang argues that often the simplest "benefits" parents give their children are the most valuable. Combining irrefutable science with unforgettable real-life stories, The Self-Motivated Kid walks readers through Dr. Kang's four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. She argues that by trusting our deepest intuition about what is best for our kids, we will allow them to develop key traits—adaptability, community-mindedness, creativity, and critical thinking—to empower them to succeed and thrive in our increasingly competitive and complex world.

"First published in the United Kingdom in 1998 by Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Press"--T.p. verso.