Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the good, old doctor to snap. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,300 words. EXCERPT FROM THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC “Doc, you’ve got to help me,” a thin, wiry man named Zack Pimpton bent over the padded table and rubbed his behind. “My ass hurts really, really bad. I think I might have broken it.” A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. “How did this happen?” Dr. Marsh asked. “I don't know. I was typing up a review when suddenly my butt began to hurt. At first it stung just a little. I tried ignoring it, but it got worse and worse until I eventually found myself here. It's terrible! I can’t believe I was able to drive over here.” He tried sitting and recoiled immediately. “Well, you're in luck! It's nothing life-threatening, that’s for sure, but I'm afraid you won’t have use of your buttocks again,” the portly doctor cracked a smile.

Think you know everything there is to know about mankind's favorite green gas? Well, Donald Rump has something in store for you! Inside, you'll finally get to the bottom of many age-old questions, including: - Where do farts come from? - Are farts people? - Do farts die? - Do all farts go to heaven? - What should I do if a zombie farts on me? - Does inhaling farts cause brain damage? - What if someone steals my farts? - Can farts be used to power my car? - I've run out of farts. Should I dial 911? - Should I join Fartaholics Anonymous? And many, many more! So what are you waiting for? Become a fart expert today! Approximately 11,500 words in all. Intended for readers 15 and up.

Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? "Shh…it's our secret…" Vlad told the little boy. "Use the power wisely…" Approximately 2,200 words.

Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he\'d smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies? Or will Mackelroy talk his way out of another hazardous situation and live to see another hair pie? For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 3,400 words in all.

Great heavens, the armored kingdoms are under attack! And King Krakken, the domain’s irritable ruler, has an impossible decision. Should he scramble the air ships and meet the encroaching enemy head on or listen to his counsel and hold firm? Either way, the green death is upon him and it’s only a matter of time before he comes face-to-face with the infamous Wind Laten. Approximately 1,600 words. DIAGNOSIS: Less filling. Doesn’t contain many actual farts.

The Instant New York Times Bestseller and TikTok Sensation! As seen on THE VIEW! A BuzzFeed Best Summer Read of 2021 When a fake relationship between scientists meets the irresistible force of attraction, it throws one woman's carefully calculated theories on love into chaos. As a third-year Ph.D. candidate, Olive Smith doesn't believe in lasting romantic relationships--but her best friend does, and that's what got her into this situation. Convincing Anh that Olive is dating and well on her way to a happily ever after was always going to take more than hand-wavy Jedi mind tricks: Scientists require proof. So, like any self-respecting biologist, Olive panics and kisses the first man she sees. That man is none other than Adam Carlsen, a young hotshot professor--and well-known ass. Which is why Olive is positively floored when Stanford's reigning lab tyrant agrees to keep her charade a secret and be her fake boyfriend. But when a big science conference goes haywire, putting Olive's career on the Bunsen burner, Adam surprises her again with his unyielding support and even more unyielding...six-pack abs. Suddenly their little experiment feels dangerously close to combustion. And Olive discovers that the only thing more complicated than a hypothesis on love is putting her own heart under the microscope.

Dating Backwards is a fresh look at some old concepts along with some common sense ideas about dating. It is a path to discover the extraordinary person you are and who will best be your extraordinary partner in life. This book will help you identify the different types of love, introduce you to the concept of the Four Cornerstones of Relationships and show many of the mistakes people continually make as they search for and enter into relationships. The principles in this book are designed to help singles from 18 to 80 and beyond. The journey begins with determining what type of relationship you want and then you will be guided in developing your "Must Haves" list. This list is the discovery of characteristics which results in the best relationship for you. We help you uncover the "Deal Breakers" which guides you away from repeating the same mistakes over and over. You will learn to identify your personal Red Flags that are warnings signs which provide you protection and guidance in choosing a potential mate. You will find guidance to help you to determine and discover what qualities you have to offer to a potential mate and uncover any qualities you posses that may be "Deal Breakers" to others. We all carry baggage in life and into a relationship. What is packed in your bag? Do you bring family issues? Do you bring issues from past relationships? Common questions answered are: How soon should you date after a divorce? What about dating after the death of a spouse? Do you have children and what is the impact of dating on them? How do you prepare your family for you entering back into dating? Then there are the extended families. How do you and your potential mate get along with each other's extended family? What about exes and their extended families. How will all of these potential relationships affect your relationship with your soul mate? These questions are covered and more. Extraordinary communication is extremely important in a relationship. This book will help you with a basic understanding of verbal and non verbal communication. Open communications on topics that can be difficult to discuss are addressed. Topics like; How do you handle money? Physical intimacy, food, music, household chores, hobbies, spare time are just a few of the topics that require excellent communication. Finally, we discuss dating, where to look, and how to present or market yourself to find a potential mate. We also review Respect, One Sided Romance, Physical Intimacy and Loneliness among other situations that can occur while on your journey to seek your soul mate. This book is the culmination of many years of education (both formal and informal), observation, personal experience and prayer. God has blessed Rick and Penny by bringing them together to create this work. There is also some other very good information available and some of it we even recommend as additional resources to our readers. The key is to find what works for you. Hopefully you will gain some practical information that will help turn your unsuccessful dating and decision making habits into an extraordinary relationship. Our society has neglected, ignored and drifted away from the use of this practical information for more than 50 years. It is our grandest hope that this book will help at least some of our readers make better dating (and life) decisions and start Dating Backward.