Romantic relationships hold enormous significance within contemporary society, and monogamous marriage continues to serve as the “master template,” informing the structure, personal and legal parameters of intimacy. Although social changes have indeed impacted traditional notions of marriage and coupledom, monogamy continues to serve as the ultimate embodiment of commitment, love, and devotion to one’s partner and operates as the fundamental framework of sexual and emotional exclusivity. Relationship rules serve as a key indicator of what individuals expect and value within their intimate lives. For example, the rules of marriage (and therefore monogamy) emphasize loyalty, exclusivity, and faithfulness between two partners, which is generally operationalized as fidelity. Further, rule violations are often characterized as “infidelity,” and represent a breach to the commitment established between partners. The rules of monogamy, as well as the consequences for violating them, have been normalized and institutionalized in both paradigm and practice; American culture is decidedly mononormative, and fidelity is central to monogamous relationships. While the master monogamous template continues to be institutionally and individually reinforced, some actively choose to “break the rules” of monogamy in favor of multiple sexual and/or romantic relations. Consensual nonmonogamists, in contexts like open relationships, swinging, and polyamory, challenge the master monogamous template through not only engaging with multiple sexual and/or romantic partners, but also being consensual and usually overt about them. If monogamists have rules about other partners that ensure fidelity, do nonmonogamists have rules? If so, what are they, and what purpose do they serve in a relationship structure that has already broken the cardinal rule of exclusivity? Is commitment important in nonmonogamous relationships, and does fidelity exist between partners who are having sex with and/or falling in love with other partners? This study draws on over 2,000 surveys and 70 in-depth interviews with monogamists, nonmonogamists, and polyamorists to examine the meaning, significance, and practice of fidelity within their intimate relationships. Results indicate that fidelity exists in some variation in all relationship types. The book presents a “Fidelity Typology” based on differentiations between sexual and emotional exclusivity, as well as whether behavior aligns with ideology. The author argues that while exclusivity may not be a necessity in today’s romantic relationships, “feeling special” is key regardless of whether a relationship is monogamous, nonmonogamous, or polyamorous. However, how an individual experiences and ensures specialness is tempered by definitions of love and sex, differentiating between sexual and emotional exclusivity, and engaging individual agency in creating rules between partners. The book highlights that gender and sexual orientation are most salient in conceptualizations of monogamy, sex, and love, rates of nonmonogamy, and even relationship agreements and rules. The author offers a nuanced framework for understanding commitment in today’s romantic relationships, invoking a more agentic approach to achieving specialness called “personal fidelity.” The author argues that while personal fidelity is ultimately socially informed through the master template, it is also largely based on one’s sexual and emotional self-awareness, accountability, and perceived responsibility to other partner(s). Personal fidelity may well be the catalyst for ensuring specialness between partners and preserving the significance of one’s intimate relationship(s). This is an important book for sexualities studies, as well as scholars and students interested in gender, family and intimate relationships.

As Evan and Matt's friendship turns into something deeper, both of them struggle to reconcile their overwhelming feelings for one another.

We live in a time when marital fidelity is under assault. Driven by the forces of relativism, our society attacks sexual faithfulness on numerous fronts. The push for homosexual marriages, for example, comes at the end of the fall into perversion, not the beginning. Faithless husbands began the fall long ago, and our culture, with all its washed-out self-help books, fails to address the real problem -- sin. Addressed to men, Fidelity hits hard, using clear language and focusing on specific sins with specific solutions: adultery, divorce, polygamy, celibacy, pornography, and more. But in the end, the antidote to all sexual temptation is simple -- the godly honoring of the marriage bed: "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4).

"Extremely well-researched and coherently argued, this book presents top-quality research and draws appropriately on the existing knowledge in this area. The focus on fidelity across different kinds of relationship structures is very original and will prove an important contribution to the field of relationship research. A key strength of this study is that the analysis pays attention to both commonalities and diversity (which is rare, even in qualitative research). The analysis is also both clearly expressed and sophisticated." - Dr. Meg Barker, Open University "This is a fascinating investigation of the meaning of 'love, ' 'sex, ' and 'fidelity' for different kinds of couples. Kassia Wosick reports on a survey and in-depth conversations with couples that were straight and gay, monogamous and non-monogamous, traditional and polyamorous. 'Love' and 'being special' are enormously important in all of these groups. But she also finds startling differences. For some, sexual exclusiveness is critical. For others, being faithful means not loving anyone else, but sex with others is ok. For polyamorous couples, having explicit rules and being open and honest is the heart of fidelity and being special. And "having sex" can mean many different things. This book persuasively argues that we need more flexible, emotion-focused concepts of love, commitment and fidelity. The traditional focus on sexual exclusivity does not fit many contemporary relationships. This is a very valuable book for researchers and therapists, and for all of us who care about 'love, ' 'sex, ' and 'faithfulness'." - Professor Francesca Cancian, University of California, Irvine "Engaging, insightful, thoroughly researched, and well written, Sex, Love, and Fidelity: Study of Contemporary Romantic Relationships provides a compelling analysis of evolving relationships with a unique focus on levels of monogamy that surpasses previous studies to contribute refreshing insights into current meanings of sexuality and love. Wosick untangles the myriad cultural assumptions underlying the concept of fidelity and details the various ways in which fidelity expresses in a range of contemporary relationships, from dual fidelity and strict monogamy through veiled fidelity and almost monogamy to specified fidelity and non-monogamy and ending with agentic fidelity and polyamory. Now that few people in the US expect to be monogamous in the classical sense of marrying as a virgin and remaining in one, life-long, sexually exclusive relationship, Sex, Love, and Fidelity provides the information necessary for us to update our understandings of contemporary love and commitment." - Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, Sheff Consulting Group

Our amorous and erotic experiences do not simply bring us pleasure; they shape our very identities, our ways of relating to ourselves, each other and our shared world. This volume challenges some of our most prevalent assumptions relating to identity, the body, monogamy, libido, sexual identity, seduction, fidelity, orgasm, and more. In twelve original and philosophically thought-provoking essays, the authors reflect on the broader meanings of love and sex: what their shifting historical meanings entail for us in the present; how they are constrained by social conventions; the ambiguous juxtaposition of agency and passivity that they reveal; how they shape and are formed by political institutions; the opportunities they present to resist the confines of gender and sexual orientation; how cultural artefacts can become incorporated into the body; and how love and sex both form and justify our ethical world views. Ideal for students both in philosophy and gender studies, this highly readable book takes us to the very heart of two of the most important dimensions of human experience and meaning-making: to the seductive and alluring, confusing and frustrating, realms of love and sex.

A polemic against love that is “engagingly acerbic ... extremely funny.... A deft indictment of the marital ideal, as well as a celebration of the dissent that constitutes adultery, delivered in pointed daggers of prose” (The New Yorker). Who would dream of being against love? No one. Love is, as everyone knows, a mysterious and all-controlling force, with vast power over our thoughts and life decisions. But is there something a bit worrisome about all this uniformity of opinion? Is this the one subject about which no disagreement will be entertained, about which one truth alone is permissible? Consider that the most powerful organized religions produce the occasional heretic; every ideology has its apostates; even sacred cows find their butchers. Except for love. Hence the necessity for a polemic against it. A polemic is designed to be the prose equivalent of a small explosive device placed under your E-Z-Boy lounger. It won’t injure you (well not severely); it’s just supposed to shake things up and rattle a few convictions.

Whether straight or gay, most men start their relationships desiring monogamy. This is rooted in the pervasive notion that monogamy exists as a sign of true love. Yet despite this deeply held cultural ideal, cheating remains rampant. In this accessible book, Eric Anderson investigates why 78% of men he interviewed have cheated despite their desire not to. Combining 120 interviews with research from the fields of sociology, biology, and psychology, Anderson identifies cheating as a product of wanting emotional passion for one's partner, along with a steadily growing desire for emotionally-detached recreational sex with others. Anderson coins the term "the monogamy gap" to describe this phenomenon. Anderson suggests that monogamy is an irrational ideal because it fails to fulfil a lifetime of sexual desires. Cheating therefore becomes the rational response to an irrational situation. The Monogamy Gap draws on a range of concepts, theories, and disciplines to highlight the biological compulsion of our sexual urges, the social construction of the monogamous ideal, and the devastating chasm that lies between them. Whether single or married, monogamous or open, straight or gay, readers will find The Monogamy Gap to be an enlightening, intellectually compelling, and provocative book.