If you've ever thought, 'I wish I'd said that', The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotationswill ensure you're never short of a joke, quip or put-down again. Over 5,500 quotations from the funniest people of the past hundred years are here- from George Bernard Shaw ('I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation') to Woody Allen ('it's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens') and, of course, Homer Simpson ('To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!'). As well as such comedic luminaries, this book also contains witticisms from t-shirt slogans, internet sites and the ever-inventive Anon., and ranges across themes from adultery and advertising to youth and even Yugoslavia.

This hilarious collection of humorous quotations, full of wisecracks and wit, snappy comments and inspired fantasy, has been specially compiled by the late broadcaster and raconteur Ned Sherrin, with a foreword by leading British satirist, Alistair Beaton. Now packed with even more quotes and covering more subjects than before, from Weddings to the Supernatural, Australia to Headlines. Find the best lines from your favourite jokesters and wordsmiths, add that extra something to a speech or presentation, or just enjoy a good laugh. 'A chair is a piece of furniture. I am not a chair because no one has ever sat on me.' Ann Widdecombe on the announcement that Parliamentary language will now be gender-neutral. 'No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off 'I don't like Mondays' for 30 years.' Russell Brand On deciding to run for governor of California: 'The most difficult decision I've ever made in my entire life, except for the one in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax.' Arnold Schwarzenegger 'Wanting to know an author because you like his work is like wanting to know a duck because you like p--acirc--;t--eacute--;.' Margaret Atwood 'I am so sorry. We have to stop there. I have just come to the end of my personality.' Quentin Crisp, closing down an interview

Writer, broadcaster, and wit Gyles Brandreth has completely revised Ned Sherrin's classic collection of wisecracks, one-liners, and anecdotes. Add sparkle to your speeches and presentations, or just enjoy a good laugh in company with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Joan Rivers, Kathy Lette, Frankie Boyle, and friends.

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"Politics is no laughing matter - unless you've got Fred Metcalf's Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations. From the wit that made Boris a contender to the best of George W. Bush, this book will have you in stitches. Bankers to bin Laden, bumper stickers to Biden, and even a few topics that don't begin with B, Metcalf has them all covered. Churchill's gravitas meets Jon Stewart's modern parody - if you have a political (or a funny) bone in your body, you need this book. I loved it!" Louise Mensch. With this brilliant anthology of mieux mots used in the theatre of politics over the centuries, Fred Metcalf has conjured an indispensable tool for both the seasoned public speaker and the armchair quotation-collector alike. Combining politics with a liberal dose of sex, drugs and Frank Zappa, Metcalf has produced a hearty panoply of memorable political rhetoric to cover any occasion - a remedy for those improvising amid impassioned response as well as those polishing their argument with the choicest of truisms.

Dip into this book for personal inspiration and reflection, or to provide some pithy quotations that will add sparkle to your presentations, handouts, articles, essays, websites or speeches.