I have of late, wherefore I know not, lost all of my mirth… Man delights not me; no, nor women neither. In my dreams (and increasingly during my more whimsical waking moments) I wander through Movieland. Sometimes I chat to Kelly McGillis about being in a 4G inverted dive with a MiG-28 while a strung-out Withnail stands close by complaining about going on holiday by mistake. At others a xenomorph near the bus stop rips off Forrest Gump’s head before being machine-gunned by the ED-209. I close my eyes, take a contented breath, and reopen them to see Frau Blücher upsetting the horses again as Tony Montana snorts coke and tells the permanently agitated Don Logan that this town is like one giant pussy waiting to get fucked. I wander and I wander and I never want to leave… Some movies, you see, contain magic. Magic that seeps into your soul and becomes a part of you. I mean, why waste your time travelling the world, having a career, nurturing dreams or taking a woman seriously? Such pursuits involve a great deal of effort and invariably end in disappointment. Surely it’s better to stay invisible at home while exploring a rich cinematic odyssey alongside the likes of Marty McFly, Jessica 6, the Black Knight, Bill Kilgore and a Stepford wife or two? Come now. Partake in the madness. Let me hold your hand and lead you nowhere.

A bare-chested Charlton Heston sitting on a horse staring up at the Statue of Liberty. Naked high school girls frolicking in a locker room a moment before transforming into an unholy chanting mob of plug-it-up nastiness. Scorpio dementedly forcing a busload of kidnapped kids to sing nursery rhymes. And an ever so slightly chubby Kansas farm girl telling us there’s no place like home... Movies, eh? What would we do without ’em? Probably watch more TV shows for a start. Anyhow, this is a book for politically incorrect cinephiles, its collection of reviews, articles and drunken ramblings showcasing my love of mid to late twentieth century movies.

“You like movies because you’re one of life’s great watchers.” So says Woody Allen’s irked, soon-to-be-ex-wife in Play It Again, Sam, obviously having had enough of his sedentary lifestyle. Hmm, I think she would have left me, too. But, hey, do a female’s myriad charms really stack up against the corny delights of Cocktail, the vicious cynicism of The Sweet Smell of Success, the dark ferocity of The Thing, the fantastic imagination of Westworld, the perverted milieu of Happiness or the heartbreak of Kes? For these are just some of the films covered in the fifth part of this lewd, politically incorrect guide to the treasures of twentieth century cinema. Author Dave Franklin also throws in a bevy of bitches, the worst-ever holidays and a tribute to old men feasting on teenage flesh.

Orson Welles called Ernst Lubitsch (1892–1947) “a giant” whose “talent and originality are stupefying.” Jean Renoir said, “He invented the modern Hollywood.” Celebrated for his distinct style and credited with inventing the classic genre of the Hollywood romantic comedy and helping to create the musical, Lubitsch won the admiration of his fellow directors, including Alfred Hitchcock and Billy Wilder, whose office featured a sign on the wall asking, “How would Lubitsch do it?” Despite the high esteem in which Lubitsch is held, as well as his unique status as a leading filmmaker in both Germany and the United States, today he seldom receives the critical attention accorded other major directors of his era. How Did Lubitsch Do It? restores Lubitsch to his former stature in the world of cinema. Joseph McBride analyzes Lubitsch’s films in rich detail in the first in-depth critical study to consider the full scope of his work and its evolution in both his native and adopted lands. McBride explains the “Lubitsch Touch” and shows how the director challenged American attitudes toward romance and sex. Expressed obliquely, through sly innuendo, Lubitsch’s risqué, sophisticated, continental humor engaged the viewer’s intelligence while circumventing the strictures of censorship in such masterworks as The Marriage Circle, Trouble in Paradise, Design for Living, Ninotchka, The Shop Around the Corner, and To Be or Not to Be. McBride’s analysis of these films brings to life Lubitsch’s wit and inventiveness and offers revealing insights into his working methods.

Ryan teaches English to foreigners at a small school in Cardiff. He's not perfect but tries his best for his students. Nora, the boss' daughter, is his icily distant, ball-busting superior. Apart, they are nothing, two completely unremarkable and harmless individuals. But together... Welcome to Wales, Girls - Come study at the ESL school from hell.

The Garden of God is a sequel to novel The Blue Lagoon and it picks up precisely where it left off, with Arthur Lestrange in the ship Raratonga discovering his son Dicky and niece Emmeline with their own child, lying in their fishing boat which has drifted out to sea. It turns out that Dicky and Emmeline died and the child is drowsy but alive and is picked up by the sailors. Arthur has a dream-vision of the pair; they ask him to come to Palm Tree, the island where they lived, and promise he will see them again. Arthur takes the child, which gets the nickname Dick M, and takes his ship to Palm Tree, where he plans to stay with Dick M and Kearney, a volunteer from the crew who grows fond of Dick. The rest of the crew leave with a promise to return the next year, but they get swallowed up in a storm out at sea, and the trio stays stuck on the island.

The creator of Urban Dictionary shares a compendium of the site’s funniest, weirdest, and truest entries. Since 1999, UrbanDictionary.com has become the undisputed authority on contemporary slang. The site’s creator, Aaron Peckham, invites its ever-expanding fanbase to submit new words and definitions. For Urban Dictionary: Fularious Street Slang Defined, Peckham has curated a choice selection of terms that will definitely earn you street cred, and help newbies avoid confusing shank with skank.