My Kid Is an Asshole, and So Is My Dog-- a comedic look at the drama of raising a teenage girl I just returned from the mall after school shopping with my soon-to-be sophomore and her friend. I now understand why fathers opt to go camping, roll around in elk urine, and shit in a hole rather than go to the mall three days before school starts. As if the crowds weren't bad enough, my girl decided to wear a flannel that hung lower than her shorts, making it appear that she was walking around naked from the waist down. She was flocked by sales people, who, I am sure, were calculating their commissions in their heads. I mean, why not? Everybody wants to help the girl who arrives pant-less. Obviously, she needs clothes.We're not home half an hour and the vodka I poured for myself is only half gone when she yells down from her room, "Mom, have you seen my push up bra? Maybe we need to go back to the mall."It's the moments like these where I'm convinced raising a teen is bullshit, and I wonder if we'll ever come out on the other side even speaking to one another. Pass the vodka.There aren't enough warnings in the world for raising teenage girls. Although my mom swears my daughter takes after me, so it's karma.Is it karma that I've got two barking dogs? It must be. Have you ever heard a shiu-tzu bark? I have. Over and over. They think they're coyotes. I swear. And right now, they're wrestling over some stuffed animal, which is surely about to fling open, so I can pick up little beads all over the carpet while drinking my vodka. No wait. They stopped. One of them had to drag its ass across the floor. Epic.It's in the little moments where I earn my parenting badges-the faded stretch marks.Ruff, ruff!If this is my karma for being such an asshole to my mom, maybe we can get through this too. And if she pays attention in English, instead of scouting for a prom date, she can learn to write her own book-the sequel to this: My Mom Is an Asshole, but Not My Dog.

Learn to communicate with your dog—using their language “Good reading for dog lovers and an immensely useful manual for dog owners.”—The Washington Post An Applied Animal Behaviorist and dog trainer with more than twenty years’ experience, Dr. Patricia McConnell reveals a revolutionary new perspective on our relationship with dogs—sharing insights on how “man’s best friend” might interpret our behavior, as well as essential advice on how to interact with our four-legged friends in ways that bring out the best in them. After all, humans and dogs are two entirely different species, each shaped by its individual evolutionary heritage. Quite simply, humans are primates and dogs are canids (as are wolves, coyotes, and foxes). Since we each speak a different native tongue, a lot gets lost in the translation. This marvelous guide demonstrates how even the slightest changes in our voices and in the ways we stand can help dogs understand what we want. Inside you will discover: • How you can get your dog to come when called by acting less like a primate and more like a dog • Why the advice to “get dominance” over your dog can cause problems • Why “rough and tumble primate play” can lead to trouble—and how to play with your dog in ways that are fun and keep him out of mischief • How dogs and humans share personality types—and why most dogs want to live with benevolent leaders rather than “alpha wanna-bes!” Fascinating, insightful, and compelling, The Other End of the Leash is a book that strives to help you connect with your dog in a completely new way—so as to enrich that most rewarding of relationships.

A beloved Bright and Early Board Book by P. D. Eastman, now in a larger size! A sturdy board book edition of P. D. Eastman's Go, Dog. Go!, now available in a bigger size perfect for babies and toddlers! This abridged version of the classic Beginner Book features red dogs, blue dogs, big dogs, little dogs—all kinds of wonderful dogs—riding bicycles, scooters, skis, and roller skates and driving all sorts of vehicles on their way to a big dog party held on top of a tree! A perfect gift for baby showers, birthdays, and happy occasions of all kinds, it will leave dog lovers howling with delight!

'I WANT A DOG!'Who hasn't heard that screamed from a child or partner? They want a dog but you don't want one because you know it will be your responsibility to look after it when they grow bored. Well, this book isn't necessarily for you. This book is for those who want a dog but have no idea what they're really letting themselves in for. You see, I wanted a dog. I was one of those annoying people ranting and raving how badly I wanted one. 'Now I am an adult, I should be allowed to get a dog! It's my house!'I got my dog. I got what I wanted. I even chose the dog. Now, as I sit here typing out this blurb, I weep. Why did I do this to myself? Why have I just committed to this little bastard for God knows how many years?If you want a dog of your own. Read this book. Perhaps see things you didn't necessarily think of (on top of having to clean up its shit from when you go on walks or when it runs in your garden). Then, when you have read the book, make your decision again. Decide if it really is for you.Don't want a dog? Well this is about a pug called Chewie... Read about Chewie's first year and just laugh at my misadventures and misery...From Matt Shaw, author of 'Wasting Stamps', 'Plentyoffreaks' and 'Im fine'

The top dog behaviorists in the country - the top researchers, scientists, and veterinarians - have teamed up with a renowned media personality to create the most cutting-edge, scientifically accurate, definitive book on why our dogs do what they do and how we can prevent or solve common canine behavior problems.

One man causes chaos in the online classifieds resulting in this humorous collection of real-life email conversations. When John Lindsay launched DontEvenReply.com in June 2009, it became an instant sensation. With 60% of the book featuring entirely new material never before available on the website, Emails from an Asshole offers fans a fresh opportunity to revel in people’s gullibility. Posing as a customer or seller, Lindsay responded to a variety of classified ads, making ridiculous offers to unsuspecting victims. Their responses, and the ensuing conversations, will have readers simultaneously laughing non-stop and gasping with disbelief. “It’s like Sasha Baron Cohen on the internet.” —Jane Wells, CNBC

From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together