The goal of parenting is to train your children to have slightly better manners than a dog. If you’ve achieved that by the end of day (or even if you’ve failed majestically trying), it is important to celebrate the little things. Like bedtime. And screw-top wine. And with Mommyfesto, by award-winning humor blogger Leanne Shirtliffe, you’ll learn the nitty-gritty about what it means to be a real parent. Without resorting to stereotypical “poo and pee jokes,” Shirtliffe finds humor in the insanity of raising children and celebrates using how-to-parent-like-an-expert books as paperweights for your child’s art collection in the recycling bin. Mommyfesto contains more than 150 realistic (and downright humorous) truths about parenting, such as: A Band-Aid and a kiss solve most daily crises. So does talking like a pirate. Expectations of child rearing should be thrown out the window. It’s better than throwing out your child. If you can survive parented piano lessons, you can survive a zombie apocalypse. And much more! Mommyfesto offers parents the opportunity to laugh at the absurdity of childrearing and to realize there is no right way to do it. Blank pages in the back of the book encourage moms (and dads, too!) to add their beliefs—whether bizarre, funny, or even serious—to the book, making this a go-to guide for generations of crazed parents. Leanne's blog, IronicMom.com, was recently declared the Best Humour Blog by the Canadian Weblog Awards, a juried competition. IronicMom.com garners 8,000–13,000 hits per month and has been featured on high-traffic sites such as The Christian Science Monitor, ProBlogger, Wordpress’ home page, Canadian Family, CBC, the Calgary Herald, and Sweet Mama. IronicMom.com was recognized as one of the top five new blogs by the Canadian Weblog Awards (2010) and as the top parenting blog in Calgary (a city of over 1 million people) and as the Most Laugh–Out–Loud Funny blog by Sweet Mama, a popular Canadian website.

In the gaping cracks between our mommyhood expectations and the messy reality, magic shines through. So much legend, tradition, and everyday talk makes pregnancy out to be a magical experience. But there’s no sparkle, no glitter and glamour when you need to pee 3,302 times per night or are struggling to understand what each baby wail means. A Mother's Manifesto punctures those myths that becoming a mom is all radiance and bliss and balances the hopes and dreams of every new mom and mom-to-be by delivering a roller-coaster of emotion and honesty to recast every breakdown as a breakthrough. Sara knows, all around the globe, a mom is a mom is a mom. Regardless if baby’s first solid meal is pureed pear or . . . hummus. She shares her story of living in Dubai with NYC habits, a London-Lebanese mindset, and Palestinian perseverance to empower moms everywhere to find the good in the midst of the hard, discouraging, or overwhelming. Topics include the pre-preggo phase, pregnancy, and the first year of mommyhood, including how Sara adjusted when an X-ray revealed her baby had hip dysplasia—a congenital misalignment requiring her to wear a brace. A Mother's Manifesto tackles unexpected and even uncomfortable topics with ease and humor to help fellow moms dig extra deep to find strength, let alone magic in the moments when you resent this baby you’re supposed to love, loathe your husband, or lose yourself and want solely to find a glimpse of sanity . . . and you again.

In the gaping cracks between our mommyhood expectations and the messy reality, magic shines through. So much legend, tradition, and everyday talk makes pregnancy out to be a magical experience. But there’s no sparkle, no glitter and glamour when you need to pee 3,302 times per night or are struggling to understand what each baby wail means. Finding the Magic in Mommyhood punctures those myths that becoming a mom is all radiance and bliss and balances the hopes and dreams of every new mom and mom-to-be by delivering a roller-coaster of emotion and honesty to recast every breakdown as a breakthrough. Sara knows, all around the globe, a mom is a mom is a mom. Regardless if baby’s first solid meal is pureed pear or . . . hummus. She shares her story of living in Dubai with NYC habits, a London-Lebanese mindset, and Palestinian perseverance to empower moms everywhere to find the good in the midst of the hard, discouraging, or overwhelming. Topics include the pre-preggo phase, pregnancy, and the first year of mommyhood, including how Sara adjusted when an X-ray revealed her baby had hip dysplasia—a congenital misalignment requiring her to wear a brace. Finding the Magic in Mommyhood tackles unexpected and even uncomfortable topics with ease and humor to help fellow moms dig extra deep to find strength, let alone magic in the moments when you resent this baby you’re supposed to love, loathe your husband, or lose yourself and want solely to find a glimpse of sanity . . . and you again.

A hilarious, tongue-firmly-in-cheek look at a promising new trend in parenting: being the boss! In this day and age - when parenting books are a dime a dozen - it's easy for a mom to get confused. Do you go democratic or hover like a helicopter? Do you take a tiger-ish approach, or something more "hands off," like those French women who supposedly raise perfect children? Parenting author and humourist Kathy Buckworth has a completely different idea: Why not let the boardroom be your guide? In I Am So the Boss of You, Buckworth imagines a world where corporate policies and practices rule on the home front, and Mom is most definitely in charge!

Stand back! The tales in this raunchy round-the-world romp might get you dirty. We've all had unspeakable experiences while traveling that we're ashamed to admit, but these often become our best stories in the retelling. The writers in this collection cast inhibition aside and reveal their weirdest and worst moments and how they made the best of them. And memorable moments in exotic destinations come in all shapes and sizes: insects as big as Pam Anderson’s left tit, regrettable sex, stink-eyed officials, horrible healers, Lady Gaga’s shoes and Madonna’s special meal, trigger-happy militants, and peeping Tom rock stars. Adventure vicariously as: Spud Hilton (not Monty Python) finds the Holy Grail by accident. Meghan Ward squats, and then the toilet grunts back, in Goa. Kasha Rigby proved how tough she is on National Geographic’s Ultimate Survival Alaska, but is she a match for a 90-year-old bone breaker in Guatemala? Namibians stereotype Chinese men as Bruce Lee—Gerald Yeung wonders if attacking baboons will do the same. Keph Senett (hoping not to follow in the footsteps of Pussy Riot) braves bombs, police and a Soviet-era sofa bed to play soccer at the LGBT games in Putin’s Russia. Jabba-the-Turd versus Shannon Bradford in an epic showdown in Argentina. And many more….

As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia’s sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia. In Don’t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as: The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied. The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan’s paint with rocks. The funeral she officiated for “Stripper Barbie.” The horror of glitter. And much more! Shirtliffe eventually realizes that even if she can’t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she’s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins’ therapy fund. And possibly her own. Shirtliffe’s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

When do you know for sure that you’ve become a parent? For Jenny Schoberl, it wasn’t when a human fell out of her lady parts or the first time her baby said “Mama.” It was when she found herself, a grown woman, hiding in the bathroom to eat a candy bar, just so she didn’t have to share. Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name. Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby! What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out? Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a “good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!