Three's a crowd, but four's a war. Big girl undies? Check. Speech planned? Check. Nerves of steel? Check. A single crush? …not check…? What do you do when you find your best friend/crush kissing your other best friend on the day you were going to declare your feelings for him? You only agree to fake date your crush’s rival. The King of the Bows, popular golden (play)boy, and all around douche, Xander wouldn’t be my last choice for a boyfriend. Across the school, battlelines are drawn and sides are taken between the new ’it’ couple of my former best friends and the excitingly scandalous pairing of me and King Douche. Xander keeps distracting me from the plan; make Jason jealous. He insists on holding my hand and kissing me and being nice. Ugh. Xander’s not nice and he’s not the relationship type, but he’s doing a damned good job of acting both parts. He calls it ‘keeping up appearances’, I call it ‘take one more pass at my arse and I’ll break your nose’. They say all’s fair in love and war, but what’s so fair about falling for the wrong guy when your two best friends are on the other side of the battlelines? Please be aware that this story is set in Australia and therefore uses Australian English spelling and syntax.

Hyacinth Bucket - pronounced Bouquet - star of the BBC1 comedy series, Keeping Up Appearances, imparts her personal views on protecting one's social standing. There are sections on etiquette in the home, entertaining, social obligations, how to strike up an acquaintance with members of the aristocracy, and improving the mind. They all give an insight into Hyacinth's philosophy of life, developed through years of candle-light suppers and charity sub-committee meetings.

Daisy and Daphne, half-sisters, are staying with a family of English 'intelligentsia' on holiday in the Mediterranean. Daisy - shy, insecure and working-class - conceals her 'shameful' work as an author of 'women's fiction' and a journalist with a popular newspaper. Daphne - attractive, confident and sophisticated - is approved of by all, and she and Raymond, the elder son, fall in love (as does Daisy with him). Back in London, the sisters resume normal life, Daisy visiting her 'common' but loving family and Daphne seeing Raymond, who proposes marriage, and is accepted - on condition the engagement is kept secret, to Raymond's consternation. As tension mounts, the author reveals that Daphne and Daisy are actually different facets of one person, and that Raymond, in accepting the sophisticated Daphne, will have to accept Daisy's lesser qualities as well. Daisy/Daphne feels she cannot afford to divulge her origins or let him and his cultured family meet her brash, 'common' mother, and agonises over this. But her determined mother decides to see her daughter's betrothed for herself, and the truth is out. Raymond rather likes mother, but his beloved's prevarications and duplicity have somewhat cooled his passion; will the engagement triumph, or, if not, who will end it?

The British have always been concerned about accent, appearance and class, but at no time during the twentieth century was ' keeping up appearances' more important than during the 1920s and 1930s. From the impecunious youth anxious to create a favourable impression at the local tennis club dance to female office workers advised by the Daily Mail that women in business kept 'their position partly, if not chiefly, by appearance', we peer into the intimate lives and anxieties of the middle classes as they dressed to impress. Choices were influenced as much by the advent of mass production, economic stringency, snobbery and the influence of America, as by personal aesthetics. Seemingly insignificant items such as ties, braces, gloves and hats, could convey a lack of breeding if worn incorrectly. This engagingly written and illustrated book explores the social mores behind one of society's most popular activities, and reveals not only how we dressed but why.

"Keeping Up Appearances is one of the best-loved British sitcoms and has now been seen in more than sixty countries around the globe, with a particularly huge following in the USA. The show, originally broadcast on the BBC from 1990 to 1995, starred Patricia Routledge as the unforgettable Hyacinth Bucket pronounced 'Bouquet!' the incorrigible snob whose desperate attempts at social climbing always end in disaster and humiliation. Throughout the sitcom's five series (plus four Christmas specials), the producer and director was Harold Snoad, whose directing credits already included such classics as Dad's Army and The Dick Emery Show. In this hugely entertaining memoir of the series, Snoad takes us behind the scenes and into the hurly-burly world of TV production - from location shooting in the city streets of Britain's Midlands and the glamorous lounges of the QE2, to the daily grind of schedules and rewrites and the shenanigans and foibles of the actors ... Witty and revealing, It's Bouquet - Not Bucket! offers both an exclusive insight into a great British institution - the situation comedy - and a comprehensive guide to one of its greatest examples, Keeping Up Appearances, with full plot synopses, cast lists and locations."--Publisher description.

A diary for socially-aware hostesses, containing written entries and photographs reflecting the hectic life and unfulfilled social aspirations of Hyacinth of the BBC1 series, Keeping Up Appearances. It is possible to use the book as a diary, but its primary function is to amuse.

"The Bouquet Residence, Lady of the House Speaking..." Those words, spoken in the dulcet tones of one Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced BOO-KAY), are forever indelibly etched into the minds of millions of devoted fans of the smash hit Britcom Keeping Up Appearances. The ultimate class comedy, Keeping Up Appearances featured the tour de force performance of Dame Patricia Routledge as social-climber Hyacinth, a middle-class housewife who was forever trying to impress anyone and everyone with her infamous candlelight suppers and hobnobbing with the elite. Obstructing her climb up the social ladder are her put-upon yet dutiful husband Richard, her romantically-repressed sister Daisy, Daisy's bone-idle husband Onslow, man-hungry sister Rose, emotionally unstable sister Violet and senile, wandering Daddy. Adding to this cast of unforgettable characters are jittery neighbour Elizabeth, Elizabeth's divorced, musically-gifted brother Emmet, and an unfortunate young vicar and his extremely jealous wife, along with assorted postal carriers and delivery personnel, all of whom suffer as being part of Hyacinth's considerably broad orbit. Keeping Up Appearances has gone on to become a beloved classic comedy series, seen in over 60 countries around the world and with a loyal international following, particularly in the United States. So, put on the kettle and have a cup of Earl Grey tea and some biscuits, it is time to take a trip back to Hyacinth's World with this hilarious trivia book...