When two people form a relationship or marry, they begin to move towards one another with the expectation of closeness. The emotionality or intensity that accompanies this process, however, may result in fusion followed by a desperate need for space or distance. Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates is the first book to deal exclusively with the pursuer-distancer interaction, and to focus significant attention on the emerging male pursuer-female distancer dynamic. This book revisits Fogarty's work, traces the concept over time and across different professional fields, and discusses in detail the concepts correlation with gender issues and social change. A detailed, step-by-step model of treatment to aid in de-escalating this potentially problematic style is also offered. The model in and of itself is unique because it integrates psychoanalytic conflict theory and psychodynamic systems theory into one treatment approach. This book is intended to offer the therapist a model for understanding and effectively discussing this dynamic, while at the same time allowing couples to read and explore it on their own.

When two people form a relationship or marry, they begin to move towards one another with the expectation of closeness. The emotionality or intensity that accompanies this process, however, may result in fusion followed by a desperate need for space or distance. Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates is the first book to deal exclusively with the pursuer-distancer interaction, and to focus significant attention on the emerging male pursuer-female distancer dynamic. This book revisits Fogarty's work, traces the concept over time and across different professional fields, and discusses in detail the concepts correlation with gender issues and social change. A detailed, step-by-step model of treatment to aid in de-escalating this potentially problematic style is also offered. The model in and of itself is unique because it integrates psychoanalytic conflict theory and psychodynamic systems theory into one treatment approach. This book is intended to offer the therapist a model for understanding and effectively discussing this dynamic, while at the same time allowing couples to read and explore it on their own.

Do you and your partner argue about the same things over and over again? Are you often confused about why your partner is so angry with you? Are things getting worse and worse even though you’ve tried everything you can think of to make them better? In this breakthrough guide to repairing romantic relationships, therapist and marriage researcher Dr. Stephen Betchen presents a powerful new explanation of what leads to this kind of escalating conflict in couples and how you can repair your relationship and find a whole new level of happiness. Based on his extensive experience as a couples’ therapist, Dr. Betchen has discovered that the prevailing idea that opposites attract is wrong. Instead, one of the strongest forces that attracts people to one another is that they share a hidden, inner conflict in their lives—an unconscious struggle within themselves that each of them developed growing up—which he calls a "master conflict." The fact that a couple shares a master conflict acts as an almost magnetic force of attraction, but, over time, master conflicts often begin to push a pair apart—many of the very things you most appreciated about each other start to grate on you, producing increasing hostility. The good news is that by identifying the master conflict that you share, you and your partner can take the steps to break the cycle of fighting and come to a new place of understanding and happiness in your relationship. Often, just the realization that you have this hidden conflict acts as a powerful cure, allowing you to appreciate each other once again and to be empathetic about the things that have been irritating you both. From his years of work with couples, Betchen has identified the nineteen most common master conflicts—such as getting your needs met vs. caretaking; giving vs. withholding; commitment vs. freedom; power vs. passivity—and for each he provides vivid stories of couples who have struggled with them, as well as simple tests that help you to: • Identify the core master conflict that is causing your relationship problems • Understand the origins of your conflict and how it drew you to your partner • Diagnose how the conflict is now pushing you apart • Come to new terms with the conflict to save your relationship As Dr. Betchen writes, knowledge of a master conflict is power, and Magnetic Partners is an empowering guide that will help you not only to identify and control your master conflict, but also to bring your relationship to a new level based on deeper understanding, ultimately leading to greater fulfillment and long-term resilience. Partners

Whether you are the Pursuer desiring more intimacy or the Distancer seeking more autonomy, "Desire & Desirability" gives you insight into the dangers of the Pursuer/Distancer relationship pattern and the tools to break free of it. When Pursuers seek too much connection or attachment, Distancers feel smothered or trapped. When Distancers feel too much pressure for togetherness, they become anxious about losing their freedom and their sense of self. Ultimately, when pushed too hard for increased connection, Distancers often withdraw from the relationship leaving the Pursuer feeling rejected or heartbroken. To sustain a mutually-fulfilling relationship, the first step is knowing how to change your own behavior to transform the relationship dynamic. Real-life examples illustrate ways to transform desire based on need into desirability based on fullness. The examples focus primarily on couples in loving relationships but the principles discussed hold true for all types of relationships including parents and children, co-workers, and friends. The strategies in this book will empower you to achieve a more sustainable and happier relationship based on mutual desire.

Virtually all significant relationships are shadowed by a third party-another person, a competing distraction, or even a memory. This groundbreaking book provides clinicians with a hands-on guide to working with many different kinds of relationship triangles in therapy with families, couples, and individuals. The authors show why triangles come into being, how to predict their evolving nature, and how they can be dealt with and resolved in treatment. A wealth of clinical case material and treatment suggestions illustrates how thinking in terms of threes, as well as individuals and dyads, can greatly increase therapeutic flexibility and effectiveness. The paperback edition includes a new series editor's note by Michael P. Nichols.

Writing this book springs from a deep feeling for people and a grave concern that without a proper understanding of the reasons for their inhumanity in relation to one another and the development of a compassionate world view, it is likely that human beings may eventually destroy themselves and life on the planet. This work is an attempt to explain the source of destructive behaviour and how it manifests itself in personal relationships between men, women, couples, and families, and in the social arena. The author presents a position that offers a hope of altering the destiny of humankind's unethical behavior through better psychological understanding and education. Understanding the source of a person's aggressiveness in defending the fantasy bond and learning to cope with the voice process have strong implications for child-rearing and better mental health practices.

In the first book of its kind, Dr. Stephen J. Betchen teaches established and training marriage and family therapists to recognize the complexity and contradictions of control struggles in couples and, uniquely, how to clinically treat these issues to create a harmonious, long relationship. Integrating conflict theory, psychodynamic systems work, and the basic principles of sex therapy, the book aims to help professionals recognize and assess control struggles in couples, detect and examine their origin, and offer techniques to help break the struggle and alleviate its associated symptoms. Chapters begin by defining control and where the origin of control comes from before exploring how these origins and other sociocultural factors impact how we choose our partners. The book’s second half examines how clinicians should assess and treat couples with both sexual and nonsexual symptoms, how to avoid being caught in the control crossfire as a therapist, and how to terminate sessions and prevent relapses. Filled with case studies and useful interventions throughout, this book aims to help clinicians working with all couples across cultures and sexual orientations find a common ground. It is indispensable for training and graduate clinicians that work with couples, especially couples with sexual disorders.