The smartest and funniest quotations of all time, artfully arranged into witty—and surprising—categories. Every page will entertain, educate, and delight. Uncle John’s dedicated team of quotationeers have scoured the worlds of entertainment, history, literature, politics, sports, and more to bring you this unique collection of utterances that bear repeating. From silly to profound, from Aristotle to Mr. T, you’ll discover insights on such topics as love, sex, conspiracies, boredom, cheese, juggling, and the true meaning of belly-button lint. Here are but a few of the thousands of morsels awaiting you: “Weaseling out of things is good. It’s what separates us from the other animals . . . except the weasel.” —Homer Simpson “All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.” —Gordie Howe “In America, sex is an obsession. In other parts of the world, it’s a fact.” —Marlene Dietrich “With my sunglasses on, I’m Jack Nicholson. Without them, I’m fat and sixty.” —Jack Nicholson “It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase ‘as pretty as an airport’ appear.” —Douglas Adams “If it’s called USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday? Bam! Busted!” —Stephen Colbert “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller

The 35th annual edition of Uncle John’s compendium features entertaining, informative, and amusing real-life stories from around the world. This 35th anniversary edition of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader is bursting with everything you could possibly want to read in the throne room, including short articles for a quick trip and lengthier page-turners for an extended visit. Uncle John and his team at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute have once again gathered the most entertaining and amusing stories from the realms of pop culture, history, science, and sports (not to mention accounts of even more dumb crooks!) for your reading pleasure. In addition, there are plenty of laugh-out-loud lists, amusing quotes, and odd factoids that will delight the most ardent of trivia fans.

Uncle John is back with another spectacular show—and it’s right here in front of you! Uncle John’s Greatest Know on Earth Bathroom Reader is bursting with the latest oohs and aahs from the worlds of pop culture, history, sports, and politics. Dazzling facts, jaw-dropping blunders, and astounding lists of trivia will make your visits to the throne room more entertaining than ever. Articles range in length from a single page to extended page-turners, so there’s always something to suit your needs. With Uncle John as the ringmaster for the 33rd straight edition, this Bathroom Reader is sure to be a crowd-pleaser!

Get your trivia on the go with this Uncle John’s anthology of fun fast facts, includes over twenty-five pages of new content! Uncle John’s New & Improved Briefs is chock-full of thousands of great facts and hundreds of quick hits covering history, origins, blunders, sports, pop science, and entertainment plus a sprinkling of riddles, puns, anagrams, and other classic wordplay. Read about . . . The secrets of top-secret spy lingo The monkey that got a head transplant . . . and lived Bizarre recipes: jellied moose nose, steamed muskrat legs, and haggis The worst movie bloopers from Best Picture Oscar winners The little-known story of the best deal in sports history The man behind Death Valley’s “Castle in the Desert” How to decipher the hidden codes on a dollar bill Sinister left-handed facts Earth’s greatest hits And much, much more!

It’s all about the facts—and Uncle John is back with a ton of them! For the 32nd year, Uncle John and his loyal researchers have teamed up to bring you the latest tidbits from the world of pop culture, history, sports, and strange news stories. If you want to read about celebrity misdeeds, odd coincidences, and disastrous blunders, Uncle John’s Truth, Trivia, and the Pursuit of Factiness has what you need. With short articles for a quick trip to the throne room and longer page-turners for an extended visit, this all-new edition of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader is a satisfying read.

It’s an actual fact—Uncle John is the most entertaining thing in the bathroom! Uncle John and his team of devoted researchers are back again with an all-new collection of weird news stories, odd historical events, dubious “scientific” theories, jaw-dropping lists, and more. This entertaining 31st anniversary edition contains 512 pages of all-new articles that will appeal to readers everywhere. Pop culture, history, dumb crooks, and other actual and factual tidbits are packed onto every page of this book. Inside, you’ll find . . . Dogs and cats who ran for political office The bizarre method people in Victorian England used to resuscitate drowning victims The man who met his future pet—a stray dog—while running across the Gobi Desert Searching for Planet X—the last unknown planet in our solar system Twantrums—strange Twitter rants that had disastrous effects The true story of Boaty McBoatface And much more!

The popular bathroom reader series is back with this collection that’s flush with laughs. It’s new, it’s improved, it’s the funniest ever! Back by popular demand, this newly revised edition includes plenty of all-time favorites, along with more than twenty-five pages of new content. That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung fu movie subtitles such as “It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So, whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at: ·Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillowcase. ·Witty wordplay: If Snoop Dogg were to marry Winnie-the-Pooh, his name would become Snoop Dogg Pooh. ·Flubbed headlines: “British Left Waffles On House Floor” ·Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room. ·Job lingo: If you hear an ER doc mention a “VIP,” be on the lookout for a “very intoxicated patient.” ·Sputtering sportscasters: “If only faces could talk.” —Pat Summerall And much, much more