A century ago, a little known writer named Mark Twain wrote a silly novella called Extracts from Adam's Diary. It imagined the recorded daily life of the first man. Two years later, Mr. Twain's wife passed away, and he wrote a melancholy follow-up with Eve as the imagined diarist. Together, these stories were published as The Diaries of Adam & Eve. A century later, a well known writer named Martin Bodek enjoyed the books, discovered that Twain left the concept for another to pick up where he left off, and decided to give it a try. Yes, he's that arrogant, he's written a sequel for Mark Twain.

Art thee a teenager? Most wondrous. How about a tweenager? Coequal better. Perhaps thou art a drossy adolescent or gamesome adult? Readeth this while the stodgy elders and fartuous children readeth the haggadot, catered only to those folk—until now. Thou canst useth this as an actual Haggadah too, as the full Hebrew text be on the left, and Shakespeare's rendering be on the right. So it readeth right, which sounds like it should beest the opposite, but it be not as confusing as thou mayest thinketh.

Until a vaccine arrives, & until all comply with self-isolating & distancing, the only thing left to battle the 11th plague of coronavirus is humor. That's all we have. So enjoy around the Passover table, & may we return to the Old Normal soon. Amen. All proceeds go to whom the book is dedicated: for all those in the trenches. Note: formatting might be imperfect, due to the rush to get this out before Passover 2020.

This Festivus Haggadah uses the classic haggadah as its template, and fuses as much of the Seinfeld canon - and particularly, the curious details of the Festivus holiday - as possible into it. It's a tribute, an homage, a comedic fusion, and something you can enjoy around the Festivus or Passover table. Two holidays, for the low price of one.