'You better not let your mom hear you saying that.' Translation: I'm too tired to discipline you for a small infraction like a cuss word, especially since you probably learned that word from me. Just don't try it in front of your mother or we'll both be sorry!" Cathy Hamilton's handy reference decodes Dad's idiomatic sayings that are often evoked to cajole, shame, motive, inspire, threaten, or bewilder his offspring.

Packed with embarrassing anecdotes, true stories, jokes, sayings - all the wonderful and cringeworthy things dads do and say that make us all sigh and groan.

"Contains hundreds of quotes from various celebrities, writers, athletes, politicians, and others about fathers and fatherhood. The quotes range from funny and elegant to poignant and insightful"--

Jim Gaffigan never imagined he would have his own kids. Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies." Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so he's now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat. From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists"). Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.

Inspiration for the motion picture streaming on Pure Flix! Drawing on her thirty years' experience practicing pediatric and adolescent medicine, teen health expert Dr. Meg Meeker explains why an active father figure is maybe the single most important factor in a young woman's development. In this invaluable guide, Meeker shows how a father can be both counsel and protector for his daughter as she grows into a spiritually and mentally strong young woman. From cradling his newborn to walking her down the aisle, a father must relish his paramount responsibility—guiding the course of his daughter’s life. Meeker reveals • how a man can become a "strong father" • how a father's guidance influences every part of a woman's life, from her self-respect to her perspective on drugs, alcohol, and sex • how to lay down ground rules that are respected without creating distance in your relationship with your daughter • why you need to be your daughter's hero • the mistakes most fathers make and their serious consequences • how to help daughters make their own good decisions and avoid disastrous mistakes • how a father's faith will influence his daughter's spiritual development • how to get through to you daughter, even during her toughest don't-talk-to-me years • true stories of daughters who were on the wrong path—and how their fathers helped to bring them back Learn how to grow, strengthen, or rebuild your relationship with your daughter to better both your life and hers in the bestselling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.

A hilarious (or groan-worthy) look at the rite of passage that all dads go through. Do you think your jokes are hilarious, without fail? Ever thought something was sidesplittingly funny only to have the rest of your family look at you with pity and disdain? It probably means that you've succumbed to the dorky, ill-advised things all Dads say and do - the things you swore you'd never do! - you've fallen for Dad-isms. In this hilarious book you'll find embarrassing anecdotes and true stories, cringeworthy jokes, sayings, quotes and all manner of quirky nonsense that dads come up with to keep you (but mostly him) amused. From excruciating things dads say at weddings to the cheesy phrases that make you sigh but him guffaw, from dad dancing to the crazy things they save up for the most inappropriate moments... these dad-isms are so bad they're almost good.