I figured it out! The chicken crossed the road to get away from the stupid rooster! I once asked a friend what her kittens name was and she replied; Free to good home! Time for bed! I plan on dreaming of paying all my bills with good checks! One time my mother made me so furious! So ?Ǫ I sent my teenagers to stay with her for awhile! My kids begged me for a pot belly pig. I said; "NO! I already had one and divorced it!Growing up I read anything funny I could get my hands on. I would follow my family members around reading jokes and funny stories. My dad still tells me I only crack myself up! I live to find the funny moments in life and make others laugh out loud.

A self-portrait of a great writer 's rise and fall, intensely personal and etched with Fitzgerald's signature blend of romance and realism. The Crack-Up tells the story of Fitzgerald's sudden descent at the age of thirty-nine from glamorous success to empty despair, and his determined recovery. Compiled and edited by Edmund Wilson shortly after F. Scott Fitzgerald's death, this revealing collection of his essays—as well as letters to and from Gertrude Stein, Edith Wharton, T.S. Eliot, John Dos Passos—tells of a man with charm and talent to burn, whose gaiety and genius made him a living symbol of the Jazz Age, and whose recklessness brought him grief and loss. "Fitzgerald's physical and spiritual exhaustion is described brilliantly," noted The New York Review of Books: "the essays are amazing for the candor."

Toilet Paper: Little four-year-old Mayson screamed for my daughter Amy to come and wipe his butt after he pooped. Amy said, "Mayson you're four years old. You can wipe your own butt!" She asked, "What do you do when you're at school and poop?" Little Mayson said. "Nothing! I just get shit in my pants!!" Razor: I was in the shower and I grabbed my razor to shave. I looked at it and it was full of hair a lot of hair! I jumped out of the shower soaking wet and confronted my husband about my razor. My husband pleaded the "It wasn't me" scenario! I said; "We don't have any hairy damn ghosts living in this house!" I pushed his head back with one hand and held my hairy razor to his face with my other hand. He screamed; "What? Are you doing?" I said; "I'm matching this hair up to what's left of your beard! If I find out this is your BALL hair I'm going to cut you with this hairy razor!!"

Covering almost ten thousand idioms and phrases, a reference work on common American vocabulary and idiomatic expressions defines each entry and provides a contextual sentence

This collection of vintage 1930s-1940s Bendy comic strips is a must-have for those wanting to peek into the silly, scary world of Bendy and his friends! For those dying to know more about the simple, darkly funny cartoons produced at Joey Drew Studios, look no further than this illustrated collection of comics based on the exploits of Bendy, Boris the Wolf, Alice Angel, and all their friends! This collection of vintage comic strip adaptations brings to life the best of the many cartoon features produced by Joey Drew Studios. Fans of all ages won't want to miss this never-before-published romp that brings to life the world of Bendy!

Get ready for an uproarious adventure with "Crack Me Up" - the perfect joke book designed to tickle funny bones and create giggles galore! Packed with over 400 hilarious tongue twisters, puns, riddles, and knock-knock jokes, this laughter-packed delight is tailored for kids aged 6 to 12!

While observing exotic animal trainers for her acclaimed book Kicked, Bitten, and Scratched, journalist Amy Sutherland had an epiphany: What if she used these training techniques with the human animals in her own life–namely her dear husband, Scott? In this lively and perceptive book, Sutherland tells how she took the trainers’ lessons home. The next time her forgetful husband stomped through the house in search of his mislaid car keys, she asked herself, “What would a dolphin trainer do?” The answer was: nothing. Trainers reward the behavior they want and, just as important, ignore the behavior they don’t. Rather than appease her mate’s rising temper by joining in the search, or fuel his temper by nagging him to keep better track of his things in the first place, Sutherland kept her mouth shut and her eyes on the dishes she was washing. In short order, Scott found his keys and regained his cool. “I felt like I should throw him a mackerel,” she writes. In time, as she put more training principles into action, she noticed that she became more optimistic and less judgmental, and their twelve-year marriage was better than ever. What started as a goofy experiment had such good results that Sutherland began using the training techniques with all the people in her life, including her mother, her friends, her students, even the clerk at the post office. In the end, the biggest lesson she learned is that the only animal you can truly change is yourself. Full of fun facts, fascinating insights, hilarious anecdotes, and practical tips, What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage describes Sutherland’s Alice-in-Wonderland experience of stumbling into a world where cheetahs walk nicely on leashes and elephants paint with watercolors, and of leaving a new, improved Homo sapiens.