"What is a gentleman, and why should every man aspire to be one? Does the ideal still have any value in the age of feminism, 'toxic masculinity,' and 'Men Going Their Own Way?' Traditional books on manners and gentlemanly behavior have always claimed that manhood is defined by certain universal principles. But these norms have now changed so radically that the standard advice, tried and true as much of it remains, requires new formulation to be useful to the modern man" -- back cover.

Gentlemen might be in short supply today, but this little book of wisdom could be a cure. If you're a young man who cares about the quality of his mark on the world -- or if you know such a young man -- the aphorisms of "The Gentleman's Handbook" may prove a helpful guide. ///////////////////////////////////////////////// Aaron Shepard is an author, photographer, publisher, and aspiring gentleman. He lives with his wife and fellow author, Anne L. Watson, in Bellingham, Washington. ///////////////////////////////////////////////// CONTENTS A Gentleman in Love A Gentleman in Speech A Gentleman in Society A Gentleman in Life ///////////////////////////////////////////////// SAMPLES A gentleman always finds a compliment for a lady he loves. A gentleman never compares one lady to another. A gentleman understands that every lady is a flower, and that love will make her bloom. ---------------------------- A gentleman listens carefully to others and takes pains to remember what he hears. A gentleman never smirks. A gentleman knows that words should be weighed, not counted. ---------------------------- A gentleman understands that the value of any person goes far beyond their usefulness to him. A gentleman does not leave messes for others to clean up. A gentleman knows he cannot help others if he does not stand on firm ground himself. ---------------------------- A gentleman knows that what he does is less important than how he does it. A gentleman does not avoid what should be resolved. A gentleman knows that his worth is measured not by what he collects but by what he contributes.

Containing rules for the etiquette to be observed in the street, at table, in the ball room, evening party, and morning call; with full directions for polite correspondence, dress, conversation, manly exercises, and accomplishments. From the best French, English and American authorities. Man was not intended to live like a bear or a hermit, apart from others of his own nature, and, philosophy and reason will each agree with me, that man was born for sociability and finds his true delight in society. Society is a word capable of many meanings, and used here in each and all of them. Society, par excellence; the world at large; the little clique to which he is bound by early ties; the companionship of friends or relatives; even society tete a tete with one dear sympathizing soul, are pleasant states for a man to be in. This society, composed, as it is, of many varying natures and elements, where each individual must submit to merge his own identity into the universal whole, which makes the word and state, is divided and subdivided into various cliques, and has a pastime for every disposition, grave or gay; and with each division rises up a new set of forms and ceremonies to be observed if you wish to glide down the current of polite life, smoothly and pleasantly. The young man who makes his first entrance into the world of society, should know how to choose his friends, and next how to conduct himself towards them. Experience is, of course, the best guide, but at first starting this must come second hand, from an older friend, or from books. A judicious friend is the best guide; but how is the young man to know whom to choose? When at home this friend is easily selected; but in this country, where each bird leaves the parent nest as soon as his wings will bear him safely up, there are but few who stay amongst the friends at home. You go into society from mixed motives; partly for pleasure, recreation after the fatigues of your daily duties, and partly that you may become known. In a republican country where one man's opportunities for rising are as good as those of another, ambition will lead every rising man into society. You may set it down as a rule, that as you treat the world, so the world will treat you. Carry into the circles of society a refined, polished manner, and an amiable desire to please, and it will meet you with smiling grace, and lead you forward pleasantly along the flowery paths; go, on the contrary, with a brusque, rude manner, startling all the silky softness before you with cut and thrust remarks, carrying only the hard realities of life in your hand, and you will find society armed to meet you, showing only sharp corners and thorny places for your blundering footsteps to stumble against. You will find in every circle that etiquette holds some sway; her rule is despotic in some places, in others mild, and easily set aside. Your first lesson in society will be to study where she reigns supreme, in her crown and holding her sceptre, and where she only glides in with a gentle hint or so, and timidly steps out if rebuked; and let your conduct be governed by the result of your observations. You will soon become familiar with the signs, and tell on your first entrance into a room whether kid gloves and exquisite finish of manner will be appropriate, or whether it is "hail, fellow, well met" with the inmates. Remember, however, "once a gentleman always a gentleman," and be sure that you can so carry out the rule, that in your most careless, joyous moments, when freest from the restraints of etiquette, you can still be recognizable as a gentleman by every act, word, or look.

"The American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness and Fashion or, Familiar Letters to his Nephews" by Margaret C. Conkling is written as a series of letter which are intended to guide young men to fit in with society. From how a man is expected to dress, to the manners he's expected to have, this book was a valuable resource to young men who didn't trust they would remember all the rules they needed to follow to fit in.