For fans of David Sedaris and Nora Ephron, a humorous, irreverent, and poignant look at the gifts, stereotypes, and inevitable challenges of aging, based on award-winning journalist Steven Petrow's wildly popular New York Times essay, "Things I'll Do Differently When I Get Old." Soon after his 50th birthday, Petrow began assembling a list of “things I won’t do when I get old”—mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something year old parents were doing wrong. That list, which included “You won’t have to shout at me that I’m deaf,” and “I won’t blame the family dog for my incontinence,” became the basis of this rousing collection of do’s and don’ts, wills and won’ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical. The fact is, we don’t want to age the way previous generations did. “Old people” hoard. They bore relatives—and strangers alike—with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they’ve become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at 4pm. They swear they don’t need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way... In Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age, and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, “I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder—to me—to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to ‘old.’” Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding. Praise for Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old: “Unbelievably witty and relatable, I alternated bursting into laughter and placing my hand over my face in horror thinking, Oh my God, is that me? I often say, at this age we have something young people can never have…wisdom. My dear friend, Steven Petrow, has wisdom to share in this honest, funny, wry guide to keep us young at heart, without desperately hanging onto our youth. I am buying this book for all of my friends!” —Suzanne Somers, New York Times bestselling author of A New Way to Age “Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old is an irreverent, funny, honest look at aging and all the things we take for granted as normal parts of aging. They don’t need to be. If you struggle with getting older and want to find a fresh perspective on lessons learned about what NOT to do as we age, and what TO do to stay young in heart, spirit, mind and body, read this book.” —Mark Hyman, MD, #1 New York Times bestseller author of The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet, and Head of Strategy and Innovation at the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine. “Steven Petrow resolved to do things differently than his parents had when he gets old because he wished they’d been able to enjoy life more. His solution? He created a list! In this book, he shares the secrets to living a full life regardless of our age. It's all about the decisions we make every day. My advice in a nutshell: Read this book and keep it handy.” —“Dear Abby” (Jeanne Phillips), nationally syndicated advice columnist “It’s never too early to imagine what your life will look like as you age. And as I once wrote, ‘We are not hostages to our fate.’ Petrow’s book will help you plan, think, and redefine what it means to get older—and even laugh while doing it.” —Andrew Weil, MD, New York Times bestselling author of Spontaneous Healing and Healthy Aging: A Lifelong Guide to Your Well-Being “Steven Petrow not only has a great attitude about life, he is wise about how to live it. Like me, he says we should embrace our one life 100% and not let a number—our age—get in the way of anything! Steven’s book will help you rethink the word “aging” and approach this next chapter with a positive and proactive attitude. Plus, this book is fun!” —Denise Austin, renowned fitness expert, author, and columnist “Steven’s writing feels like sitting with a friend—one who is unusually gracious, warm and frank.” —Carolyn Hax, author of the nationally syndicated advice column, Carolyn Hax Praise for Steven Petrow: "Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners helps gays and straights navigate the subtleties of the same-sex world." —People "Move over, Emily Post! When it comes to etiquette for members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community—as well as their straight friends, family members and coworkers--author and journalist Steven Petrow is the authority." —TIME "What could've easily become a novelty book has emerged as an exhaustively researched, essential resource thanks to advice columnist and etiquette expert Steven Petrow." —The Advocate "From having kids to planning funerals, Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners has most facets of gay life covered. Ms. Post would approve." —Entertainment Weekly "An indispensable refresher course...on what's proper in modern...life." —Kirkus Reviews

What exactly is this book? It's a mash up of the art of malapropism and the mixing up of synonyms, antonyms, homonyms, intentional misspellings and a general screwing up of the English language to produce (hopefully) comic results. It's a mixed bag of stories, letters, poems and other silly stuff that comes from a jar somewhere in the back of my mind labeled "Dumb Things That I Think Of." The style is a conglomeration of nonsensical prose and verse that a variety of individuals and publications have undertaken in their own unique way and in doing so gave credence to my own natural style of humor which led me to realize that I wasn't slowly going insane. Here's a brief listing of some: John Lennon, Leo Gorcey, Mad Magazine, Lewis Carroll, James Joyce and even some Monty Python thrown in for good measure. So, while we've all experienced things in life that vary between the ridiculous to the sublime, without a doubt this book definitely belongs in the ridiculous category. Hope you enjoy it!

“Like The Breakfast Club set during a New England summer...One Stupid Thing captures the nuances of power and self-doubt that shape the lives of today’s text-obsessed youth." —Foreword Reviews It was just one stupid thing that happened… Summer on Nantucket island. Three high school friends drinking warm beer on a rooftop. Everything is cool, until a seemingly innocent game takes a sinister turn, and the course of their lives are changed forever. For a year, they keep it a secret, until the following summer when they meet a mysterious girl with her own dark past who may have the answers they are looking for. A story about friendship, mistakes, and the quest for redemption, One Stupid Thing follows Jamie, Sophia, Trevor and Violet as they contend with the consequences of their choices, navigate the drama in their individual lives and try to uncover what really happened on that fateful night.

Why Smart People Do Stupid Things addresses a question that’s frequently on our minds. When Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky was exposed many people were utterly astounded. How could he? Most of us were asking. Answers aren’t easy to come by because we have spent considerable time building on our strengths to the neglect of our dark side. We aren’t only puzzled when we see friends, co-workers, or public leaders engage in stupid, unseemly, unexplainable acts, we are personally threatened by it. If them, why not still others or perhaps ourselves. This book looks at numerous examples of apparently unexplainable stupidities with particular focus upon Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton. Every mindless act doesn’t turn out wrong. There are occasions when the outcome greatly benefits us. On the other hand, there are many times when the result goes against us to our disadvantage if not to the point of tragedy. Why? This book addresses the complex issues involved in making rational decisions, including excusable error. Analyses are offered in a readily understandable style. Potential solutions are described. The topic is of vital interest to us individually as well as to the nation.

For every woman who wants to know what her man is thinking. Internationally syndicated radio superhost and columnist, controversial psycho-therapist, and author of the break-out New York Times bestsellers How Could You Do That?! and Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, Dr. Laura Schlessinger is back with Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives. In ten vital, compelling chapters, Dr. Laura speaks her mind on: Stupid Chivalry By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworthy, immature, etc.) you think that your love will save/transform her. Stupid Independence Unwilling to admit "need" for bonding and intimacy, you hide in excesses of work, play, drink, drugs, porn, and meaningless sex. Stupid Ambition Unable to comfortably and proudly accept your inherent importance to society and family as husband and father, you bow to the false idols of money, toys, power, and status. Stupid Strength Uncomfortable with feeling weak, vulnerable, useless, powerless, or rejected, you use intimidation, force, or passive-aggressiveness to regain control. Stupid Sex Taking an attraction, opportunity, or erection as a "sign," you measure your masculinity and power by sexual conquests, infidelities, and orgasms. Stupid Matrimony Lacking a mature sense of the purpose, meaning, or value of marriage, you realize too late you've gone down the aisle with the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and feel helpless to "fix it." Stupid Husbanding Thinking that marriage is the honorable discharge from loving courtship, you continue to live as though you were single and your "mommy-wife" will take care of everything else. Stupid Parenting Believing that only women/mothers nurture children, you withdraw from hands-on parenting to assert your masculine importance, missing out on the true "soul food" of a child's hug. Stupid Boyishness Having not yet worked out a comfortable emotional and social understanding with your mother, you form relationships with women that become geared to avenge, resolve, or protect you from your ties to Mommy. Stupid Machismo Understanding the true and meaningful difference between being male and a man, you can become a man.

The most important step is the first one. Dive into Chip Gaines’ personal playbook and start learning how to succeed in business—and in life. A New York Times, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and Publisher’s Weekly bestseller! The funny and talented Chip Gaines is well known as the star of HGTV’s Fixer Upper, as well as a renovation expert, bestselling author, husband to Joanna, and father of five in Waco, Texas. But long before the world took notice, Chip was a serial entrepreneur who was always ready for the next challenge, even if it didn’t quite work out as planned. Capital Gaines offers you a ringside seat as Chip relives some of his craziest antics and the lessons learned along the way, written with Chip’s trademark humor. In addition to personal stories from Chip’s journey, you'll discover: How to work toward success—and how to determine what that looks like The power of living in a way that rejects fear How to embrace small acts of courage and be bold to go all in What it takes to truly balance your family and career Capital Gaines is the playbook you need to start redefining success and going after it, no matter what that means to you.

For many of us, planning our own financial future presents pitfalls at every turn, because the truth is, when it comes to money, we are not always rational. Now you can take control of your economic life with confidence. Bert Whitehead, one of the top money-management advisors in America, gives you all the information you need to manage your wealth wisely by relying on your strongest asset-yourself. Book jacket.