An all-new follow up quotation book to 2004’s Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Colossal Collection of Quotable Quotes, complete with indexes by name and by subject for easy reference. Here it is: the quintessential collection of notable quotes for all occasions. Grouped together in weird categories as only Uncle John could do, you’ll find quotes about farts, firsts, dogs, Canada, male chauvinist pigs, colors, TV, aliens, and more! And not just quotes, either--there are great facts, fun quizzes, and a few longer articles about how quotations shape our world. As if that weren’t enough, there are a ton of eye-opening new entries for Uncle John’s Quotationary. (Love: “Being stupid together.” --Paul Valery) And to make it easier than ever to find the exact quote you’re looking for, there is a by-subject index as well a by-name index. Here are but a few of the thousands of great quotations awaiting you: * “I don’t really care what I’m famous for.” --Jessica Simpson * “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” --Charlie Chaplin * “The way that I feel about music is there is no right and wrong. Only true and false.” --Fiona Apple * “One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” --A. A. Milne * “Bears are crazy. They’ll bite your head if you’re wearing a steak on it.” --Space Ghost * “I don’t mind not being president. I just mind that someone else is.” --Ted Kennedy * “If little else, the brain is an educational toy.” --Tom Robbins

The title says it all. This is the funniest Bathroom Reader EVER. It might even be the funniest book in the history of books, but Uncle John is much too modest to state that outright (even though it is). Over the past 25 years, the Bathroom Readers’ Institute has published more than 40,000 pages of bathroom reading. In this book you will find the funniest 288 of them (with a few all-new funny pages squeezed in just because we couldn’t help ourselves). That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung-fu movie subtitles--such as. “It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, or silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at… * Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillow case. * Witty wordplay: If Snoop Doggy Dogg were to marry Winnie the Pooh, his name would become Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh. * Flubbed headlines: “British Left Waffles On House Floor” * Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room. * Job Lingo: If you hear an E.R. doc mention a “VIP,” be on the lookout for a “Very Intoxicated Patient.” * Comedian quips: “I wonder if deaf people have a sign for ‘Talk to the hand.’” --Zach Galifianakis * Sputtering sportscasters: “If only faces could talk.” --Pat Summerall And much, much more!

Got a minute to spare? That’s all you’ll need to get a quick hit of great bathroom reading! After hearing from our fans that they’d love an edition with all our best short stuff, we pored through more than 100 past editions to bring you the all-time greatest one- and two-page articles we’ve ever written. Result: Uncle John’s Briefs is chock full of thousands of great facts and hundreds of quick hits covering history, origins, blunders, sports, pop science, and entertainment--plus a sprinkling of riddles, puns, anagrams, and other classic wordplay. Just open up to any one of these 288 pages. Who knows what you might find? Read about… * The secrets of top-secret spy lingo * The monkey that got a head transplant…and lived * Uncle John’s all-time favorite “Stall of Fame” winners * Bizarre recipes: jellied moose nose, steamed muskrat legs, and haggis * The worst movie bloopers from Best Picture Oscar winners * The man who built Death Valley’s “Castle in the Desert” * The little-known story of the best deal in sports history * How to decipher the hidden codes a dollar bill * Sinister left-handed facts * Earth’s greatest hits And much, much more!

Liberal, conservative, independent, or just plain nuts--no one in the public sector gets a free pass in this funny and informative look at the world of politics. No one skewers public servants of all political stripes like Uncle John! Here’s a no-holds-barred look at the history and lunacy of our govern-mental machine. Starting with the birth of democracy in the western world, you’ll learn how today’s political landscape was shaped and get an inside look at how government works (and doesn’t work)--from Main Street to Wall Street to Pennsylvania Avenue to the world stage. These 288 pages consist of the most eye-opening political articles from the BRI’s 25-year-history, plus a few all-new pieces ripped from the election-year headlines. So do your civic duty and read about… * Toilet diplomacy * Gingrich vs. the Glitterati * Why a donkey? Why an elephant? * Animals that ran for office…and won * The island election that was buried by a volcanic eruption * The birth, death, and rebirth of America’s major political parties * Why the first U.S. congresswoman had to hide in a phone both * The rapper who (nearly) took a swing at Romney * The Russian czar who taxed the human soul * The secret plot to take down FDR * Poisonous pundits And much, much more!

The wittiest, wackiest, and most popular selections from the last 12 years in the best-selling Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series. We stuffed the best stuff we’ve ever written into 576 glorious pages. Result: pure bathroom-reading bliss! You’re just a few clicks away from the most hilarious, head-scratching material that has made Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader an unparalleled publishing phenomenon. As always, the articles are divided into short, medium, and long for your sitting convenience. So treat yourself to the best of history, science, politics, and pop culture--plus the dumbest of the dumb crooks, the strangest of the strange lawsuits, and loads more, including . . . * The Barbados Tombs * The Lonely Phone Booth * The Origin of the Supermarket * The History of the IQ Test * Robots in the News * Tennessee’s Body Farm * Happy Donut Day! * The Origin of Nachos * The Birth of the Submarine * A Viewer's Guide to Rainbows * How the Mosquito Changed History And much, much more!

New from the Bathroom Reader: a grand slam, hole-in-one, hat trick collection of sports lore and trivia. Hey, sports fans: Sports Spectacular is bigger and better than ever! The not-so-dumb jocks at the BRI have packed in all the best sports and games articles from the wildly successful Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series--and then bulked the whole thing up with more than 50 fan-tastic new pages. So place the ball on the tee, square up to the basket, and make sure your laces are laced tight, because it’s time to throw the dice through the goalposts for a home run! You’ll feel the thrill of victory and laugh at the agony of defeat as you read about… * The origins of all the major sports (and a bunch of minor ones) * Classic games, from poker and pinball to Monopoly and Donkey Kong * How to play bathroom blackjack * The world’s worst matador * The Goodyear Blimp * Mascots gone wild * Olympic scandals * NASCAR’s illegal origins * Dodging the cow pies when you play pasture golf * Finnish wife-carrying, gerbil racing, flagpole sitting, and other bizarre sports And much, much more!

The popular bathroom reader series is back with this collection that’s flush with laughs. It’s new, it’s improved, it’s the funniest ever! Back by popular demand, this newly revised edition includes plenty of all-time favorites, along with more than twenty-five pages of new content. That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung fu movie subtitles such as “It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So, whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at: ·Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillowcase. ·Witty wordplay: If Snoop Dogg were to marry Winnie-the-Pooh, his name would become Snoop Dogg Pooh. ·Flubbed headlines: “British Left Waffles On House Floor” ·Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room. ·Job lingo: If you hear an ER doc mention a “VIP,” be on the lookout for a “very intoxicated patient.” ·Sputtering sportscasters: “If only faces could talk.” —Pat Summerall And much, much more