Kill the Farm Boy

Kill the Farm Boy
Title Kill the Farm Boy PDF eBook
Author Kevin Hearne
Publisher Del Rey
Pages 411
Release 2018-07-17
Genre Fiction
ISBN 1524797758

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In an irreverent series in the tradition of Monty Python, the bestselling authors of the Iron Druid Chronicles and Star Wars: Phasma reinvent fantasy, fairy tales, and floridly written feast scenes. “Ranks among the best of Christopher Moore and Terry Pratchett.”—Chuck Wendig “When you put two authors of this high caliber together, expect fireworks. Or at least laughs. What a hoot!”—Terry Brooks Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born . . . and so begins every fairy tale ever told. This is not that fairy tale. There is a Chosen One, but he is unlike any One who has ever been Chosened. And there is a faraway kingdom, but you have never been to a magical world quite like the land of Pell. There, a plucky farm boy will find more than he’s bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there’s the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy’s untimely death . . . and also very fine cheese. Then there’s a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, the Dread Necromancer Steve, and a strange and wondrous journey to the most peculiar “happily ever after” that ever once-upon-a-timed. Praise for Kill the Farm Boy “A rollicking fantasy adventure that upends numerous genre tropes in audacious style . . . a laugh-out-loud-funny fusion of Monty Python–esque humor and whimsy à la Terry Pratchett’s Discworld.”—Kirkus Reviews “Dawson and Hearne’s reimagining of a traditional fairy tale is reminiscent of William Goldman’s The Princess Bride and William Steig’s Shrek! Irreverent, funny, and full of entertaining wordplay, this will keep readers guessing until the end.”—Library Journal “Will have you laughing out loud until strangers begin to look at you oddly.”—SyFy “A smart comedy . . . nuanced, complicated, and human.”—Tordotcom “[Delilah Dawson and Kevin Hearne] make fun of the typical ‘white male power fantasies,’ and in that, they succeed, with their heroes all characters of color and/or falling somewhere under the LGBTQ umbrella.”—Publishers Weekly

The Princess Beard

The Princess Beard
Title The Princess Beard PDF eBook
Author Kevin Hearne
Publisher Del Rey
Pages 379
Release 2019-10-08
Genre Fiction
ISBN 1524797812

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This princess can shave herself! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell. Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses. When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails—which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise. This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss—it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong. But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer—preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas! In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.

No Country for Old Gnomes

No Country for Old Gnomes
Title No Country for Old Gnomes PDF eBook
Author Kevin Hearne
Publisher Del Rey
Pages 435
Release 2019-04-16
Genre Fiction
ISBN 1524797782

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Go big or go gnome. The New York Times bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy welcome you to the world of Pell, the irreverent fantasy universe that recalls Monty Python and Terry Pratchett. “A complete delight, as fluffy and fun as The Lego Movie and as heartfelt as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.”—Locus War is coming, and it’s gonna be Pell. On one side stand the gnomes: smol, cheerful, possessing tidy cardigans and no taste for cruelty. On the other side sit the halflings, proudly astride their war alpacas, carrying bags of grenades and hungry for a fight. And pretty much anything else. It takes only one halfling bomb and Offi Numminen’s world is turned upside down—or downside up, really, since he lives in a hole in the ground. His goth cardigans and aggressive melancholy set him apart from the other gnomes, as does his decision to fight back against their halfling oppressors. Suddenly Offi is the leader of a band of lovable misfits and outcasts—from a gryphon who would literally kill for omelets to a young dwarf herbalist who is better with bees than with his cudgel to an assertive and cheerful teen witch with a beard as long as her book of curses—all on a journey to the Toot Towers to confront the dastardly villain intent on tearing Pell asunder. These adventurers never fit in anywhere else, but as they become friends, fight mermaids, and get really angry at this one raccoon, they learn that there’s nothing more heroic than being yourself. In No Country for Old Gnomes, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly tweak the tropes of fantasy and fairy tales. Here you’ll find goofy jokes and whimsical puns, but you’ll also find a diverse, feminist, and lighthearted approach to fantasy that will bring a smile to your face and many fine cheeses to your plate.

A Day No Pigs Would Die

A Day No Pigs Would Die
Title A Day No Pigs Would Die PDF eBook
Author Robert Newton Peck
Publisher Laurel Leaf
Pages 178
Release 2010-01-13
Genre Young Adult Fiction
ISBN 0307574512

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Originally published in hardcover in 1972, A Day No Pigs Would Die was one of the first young adult books, along with titles like The Outsiders and The Chocolate War. In it, author Robert Newton Peck weaves a story of a Vermont boyhood that is part fiction, part memoir. The result is a moving coming-of-age story that still resonates with teens today.

Harris and Me

Harris and Me
Title Harris and Me PDF eBook
Author Gary Paulsen
Publisher Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Pages 172
Release 2007
Genre Juvenile Fiction
ISBN 9780152058807

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A cloth bag containing ten copies of the title.

What Was Your Name Downriver?

What Was Your Name Downriver?
Title What Was Your Name Downriver? PDF eBook
Author Anthony Lowe
Publisher
Pages 186
Release 2020-04-16
Genre
ISBN

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THE WITCHER MEETS TRUE GRIT Evaline Cartwright: war veteran, bounty hunter, known to many in Ariasun County by her thoroughly-earned appellation, "Calamity Cartwright." Trivan Esterhazy: a woman gravely wounded, hoping to find a better life for herself in more civilized parts of the nation. The two have only just met, both riding a steamboat north through the county to escape foul dealings in their respective lives, but a violent attack by a rogue mage has ensured their abrupt alliance. Armed with Evaline's wits and weaponry and Trivan's instincts and common sense, the women will have to plot their way through hostile territory and wild woods in the hopes of defeating the mage and freeing themselves of its volatile magicks. What Was Your Name Downriver? is an introduction to The Shattered Frontier, a Tolkien-esque fantasy world that has advanced into an age of steam, gunslingers and gold rushes. Follow Evaline and Trivan in their adventures across one of the most hostile counties in the land, replete with scoundrels of all shapes, sizes, and magickal ability. CONTENTS: What Was Your Name Downriver?, a novella "The Horse Thieves of Ariasun County," a short story "Gunfight at the Thornmount Colossus," a short story ***RUNNER-UP FOR THE 2016 BAEN BOOKS FANTASY-ADVENTURE AWARD***

Darker than Night

Darker than Night
Title Darker than Night PDF eBook
Author Tom Henderson
Publisher Macmillan
Pages 399
Release 2006-10-03
Genre True Crime
ISBN 1429997087

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A chilling account of the murders of two hunters in rural Michigan—a mystery that haunted a community and baffled the police for two decades. In the bitter cold of 1985, two buddies from Detroit embark on a hunting trip to the Michigan wilderness, unaware they will soon become the hunted. The eerie silence surrounding their sudden disappearance is broken after nearly two decades when a relentless investigator inspires a terrified witness to break her silence. The witness narrates a haunting scene that had unfolded years back, pointing fingers at the prime suspects—the Duvall brothers. With no bodies unearthed, the justice system is riveted by the startling revelations during an electrifying trial in 2003. The brothers, Raymond and Donald Duvall, had bragged about the murders, evocatively explaining how they dismembered their victims and fed them to pigs. Despite the shocking confession, the case holds its ground purely on a single witness’s account, taking the courtroom through a labyrinth of dark secrets and sinister acts. This gripping thriller presents a vivid tale of crime that reveals the devastating power of evil.