Feeling put down? Feeling insulted? Snap back! In this collection, readers find hundreds of funny ways to do just that, with some of the best and worst jokes around, silly gags, nutty one-liners, and more!

This text brims over with stinging comments, verbal face slappings and subtle insults for dealing with every kind of person.

Garfield, the feline master of the ironic aside, puts his paw to the grindstone and lets loose with these gems: good-natured insults, purr-fect put-downs, and deceptively sweet slams. For the young, the old, and the cranky at heart, Garfield knows how you feel sometimes—and he says it, in so many words.

If you can't say something nice... say it in emoji. Shock your friends and family with this brilliantly offensive collection of emoji put-downs and comebacks. With this handy guide, the endless potential for a punishing emoji burn will be opened to you like never before – far beyond just relying on the classic middle finger symbol. From everyday insults to brutal Shakespearean zingers, classic movie put-downs to the best ‘your mum’ jokes, this is your complete phrasebook for the ever more savage world of emoji insults.

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”—Groucho Marx An insult can be offensive and infuriating, but it means nothing if you have a better comeback. 1001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks gathers together the very sharpest of these barbs from a wide variety of sources, with some of the wickedest put-downs from the literary, political, and entertainment worlds, along with many others.

'He's 100% political herpes. Back in six months whatever you do. Or three days, like last time.' Camilla Long on Nigel Farage 'You're as ugly as a salad.' Bulgarian insult 'I'm going to beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.' Muhammed Ali There's no pleasure like a perfectly turned put-down (when it's directed at somebody else, of course) but Matthew Parris's Scorn is sharply different from the standard collections. Here are the funniest, sharpest, rudest and most devastating insults in history, from ancient Roman graffiti to the battlefields of Twitter. Drawing on bile from such masters as Dorothy Parker, Elizabeth I, Donald Trump, Groucho Marx, Princess Anne, Winston Churchill, Nigel Farage, Mae West and Alastair Campbell - which form an exchange between voices down the ages - Scorn shows that abuse can be an art form. This collection includes extended literary invective as well as short verbal shin-kicks. Encompassing literature, art, politics, showbiz, marriage, gender, nationality and religion, Matthew Parris's sublime collection is the perfect companion for the festive season, whether you're searching for the perfect elegant riposte, the rudest polite letter ever written, or a brutal verbal sledgehammer.