You’ll never be at a loss for words again with this inspired collection of quotes, from bona fide wits to bona fide dimwits. Bob Hope once said, "I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance--waiting for the bathroom." No doubt, lots of people will be learning to tango and foxtrot while they wait for the rabid readers of Uncle John’s Colossal Collection of Quotable Quotes to emerge from the privy. The Bathroom Readers’ Institute searched high and low for the wittiest, wisest and stupidest things ever said, and collected these remarks in one remarkable volume. With more than 4,000 quotations from 1,600 speakers and writers--from bona fide wits like Oscar Wilde and David Letterman, to bona fide dimwits like Britney Spears (who infamously quipped, "I go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.")--there’s no other book of quotations quite like this one.

An all-new follow up quotation book to 2004’s Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Colossal Collection of Quotable Quotes, complete with indexes by name and by subject for easy reference. Here it is: the quintessential collection of notable quotes for all occasions. Grouped together in weird categories as only Uncle John could do, you’ll find quotes about farts, firsts, dogs, Canada, male chauvinist pigs, colors, TV, aliens, and more! And not just quotes, either--there are great facts, fun quizzes, and a few longer articles about how quotations shape our world. As if that weren’t enough, there are a ton of eye-opening new entries for Uncle John’s Quotationary. (Love: “Being stupid together.” --Paul Valery) And to make it easier than ever to find the exact quote you’re looking for, there is a by-subject index as well a by-name index. Here are but a few of the thousands of great quotations awaiting you: * “I don’t really care what I’m famous for.” --Jessica Simpson * “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” --Charlie Chaplin * “The way that I feel about music is there is no right and wrong. Only true and false.” --Fiona Apple * “One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” --A. A. Milne * “Bears are crazy. They’ll bite your head if you’re wearing a steak on it.” --Space Ghost * “I don’t mind not being president. I just mind that someone else is.” --Ted Kennedy * “If little else, the brain is an educational toy.” --Tom Robbins

The wittiest, wackiest, and most popular selections from the last 12 years in the best-selling Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series. We stuffed the best stuff we’ve ever written into 576 glorious pages. Result: pure bathroom-reading bliss! You’re just a few clicks away from the most hilarious, head-scratching material that has made Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader an unparalleled publishing phenomenon. As always, the articles are divided into short, medium, and long for your sitting convenience. So treat yourself to the best of history, science, politics, and pop culture--plus the dumbest of the dumb crooks, the strangest of the strange lawsuits, and loads more, including . . . * The Barbados Tombs * The Lonely Phone Booth * The Origin of the Supermarket * The History of the IQ Test * Robots in the News * Tennessee’s Body Farm * Happy Donut Day! * The Origin of Nachos * The Birth of the Submarine * A Viewer's Guide to Rainbows * How the Mosquito Changed History And much, much more!

New from the Bathroom Reader: a grand slam, hole-in-one, hat trick collection of sports lore and trivia. Hey, sports fans: Sports Spectacular is bigger and better than ever! The not-so-dumb jocks at the BRI have packed in all the best sports and games articles from the wildly successful Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series--and then bulked the whole thing up with more than 50 fan-tastic new pages. So place the ball on the tee, square up to the basket, and make sure your laces are laced tight, because it’s time to throw the dice through the goalposts for a home run! You’ll feel the thrill of victory and laugh at the agony of defeat as you read about… * The origins of all the major sports (and a bunch of minor ones) * Classic games, from poker and pinball to Monopoly and Donkey Kong * How to play bathroom blackjack * The world’s worst matador * The Goodyear Blimp * Mascots gone wild * Olympic scandals * NASCAR’s illegal origins * Dodging the cow pies when you play pasture golf * Finnish wife-carrying, gerbil racing, flagpole sitting, and other bizarre sports And much, much more!

Here it is: the quintessential collection of notable quotes for all occasions. Grouped together in weird categories as only Uncle John could do, you'll find quotes about farts, firsts, dogs, Canada, male chauvinist pigs, colors, TV, aliens, and more! And not just quotes, either'there are great facts, fun quizzes, and a few longer articles about how quotations shape our world. As if that weren't enough, there are a ton of eye-opening new entries for Uncle John's Quotationary. (Love: "Being stupid together."'Paul Valery) And to make it easier than ever to find the exact quote you're looking for, there is a by-subject index as well a by-name index. Here are but a few of the thousands of great quotations awaiting you: "I don't really care what I'm famous for."'Jessica Simpson "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot."'Charlie Chaplin "The way that I feel about music is there is no right and wrong. Only true and false."'Fiona Apple "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."'A. A. Milne "Bears are crazy. They'll bite your head if you're wearing a steak on it."'Space Ghost.

This 37th annual Bathroom Reader from Uncle John and his team is filled with highly entertaining and informative articles that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Uncle John’s Action-Packed Bathroom Reader will take longtime fans and new readers alike on a whirlwind world tour with stories that explore the realms of pop culture, history, sports, and science—plus new exploits of dumb crooks that will make you wonder “What were they thinking?” For this 37th annual edition, Uncle John and his team at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute have explored lands near and far to bring you this collection of entertaining and informative articles that include short reads for a quick trip to the throne room as well as longer page-turners for extended visits. Also included are plenty of amusing lists, factoids, quotes, and quizzes that will fill your head with all sorts of odd trivia that you can use to amaze your friends.

Liberal, conservative, independent, or just plain nuts--no one in the public sector gets a free pass in this funny and informative look at the world of politics. No one skewers public servants of all political stripes like Uncle John! Here’s a no-holds-barred look at the history and lunacy of our govern-mental machine. Starting with the birth of democracy in the western world, you’ll learn how today’s political landscape was shaped and get an inside look at how government works (and doesn’t work)--from Main Street to Wall Street to Pennsylvania Avenue to the world stage. These 288 pages consist of the most eye-opening political articles from the BRI’s 25-year-history, plus a few all-new pieces ripped from the election-year headlines. So do your civic duty and read about… * Toilet diplomacy * Gingrich vs. the Glitterati * Why a donkey? Why an elephant? * Animals that ran for office…and won * The island election that was buried by a volcanic eruption * The birth, death, and rebirth of America’s major political parties * Why the first U.S. congresswoman had to hide in a phone both * The rapper who (nearly) took a swing at Romney * The Russian czar who taxed the human soul * The secret plot to take down FDR * Poisonous pundits And much, much more!